Sexy Superlatives

So I'm eating lunch and reading Us magazine and, two pages after an article about Sarah Jessia Parker's reaction to being dubbed "Unsexiest Woman Alive" by Maxim magazine (totally unjustified--or at least I hope so, because more than a few people have told me I look like her) is a poll asking readers who they'd rather date, Domenico from That's Amore or this hot British bloke, Matt, the new Bachelor from Britain.

Is this a joke?

In case you have no idea what That's Amore is, I'm ashamed to say that I watched it (only once!) and honestly thought it was a parody of a show where girls vie for the attention of some hot guy. The dude the girls on That's Amore are fighting for is one Domenico Nesci, and he looks like a flabby version of that guy who sometimes plays a monkey on SNL.

Take a look for yourself:



You've got to be fucking kidding me. Where do I even start? Ok, well since we're talking about a guy who is presumably heterosexual, what's up with the Italian pride booty shorts? In case you're thinking maybe he's actually not hetero because of the shorts, think again: no gay guy would wear black socks with whatever you want to call that garment--bathing suit, shorts?

Apparently either I'm stupid or the women of America are wearing beer goggles because this guy has all kinds of fans. I guess the guy's allure is that he's supposedly a) good looking, b) exotic because he's Italian and c) presumably rich? Or did I just make up c) and that's not even a premise of the show?

Back to poor Sarah Jessica for a minute; here's what Maxim magazine said about her when they voted her "Unsexiest Woman Alive":

"How the hell did this Barbaro-faced broad manage to be the least sexy woman in a group of very unsexy women and still star on a show with 'sex' in the title? Pull your skirt down, Secretariat, we´d rather ride Chris Noth."

So let me get this straight: Sarah Jessica Parker=unsexy; Domenico Nesci=sexy?

WTF?