Example #1001 Of Why I Am A WPE

See this article in the WSJ called "Pursuing an Academic Edge at Home"?

Yeah, um,...I would never be pursuing an academic edge at home.

I worry about plenty of stuff, but one thing I can emphatically say I never worried about was my kids' math skills when they were 6. Or any age, for that matter.

Here's my thing: am I the only one who thinks that a better solution for a parent who is obsessed with their 6 year-old's math prowess would be Prozac? For the parent, that is; not the kid.

Dirty Moms

(I wrote this back in April but for some reason never posted it. Nothing better than stumbling across an already written blog post!)

I am not a morning person at all but have unfortunately had to become one--what with working and having to get kids to school. I have also had to become a morning exerciser, which is even worse than being just a regular early-riser. The thing I use as a carrot to get me on the treadmill at 6 am are my recorded TV shows: Oprah, Mad Men (I just keep watching the second season over and over), Intervention, etc.

So I was excited when I saw the Oprah line-up in the DVR: The Secret Lives of Moms. You know I'm all about hearing people's dirty secrets. And it was Oprah so of course it was going to be totally sensationalized--even better.

But I turned it on this morning and these were some of the "dirty" secrets Oprah's guests were revealing:

"Sometimes when I read to my kid at night I skip pages."

"Once, when I was on a 7-hour drive with the kids asleep in the back, I had to pee in a diaper."

"Sometimes I don't shower for a week."

"I bought the food for my kid's birthday party at the fast-food drive through."

Are you fucking kidding me? This is what you call dirty secrets? And bad mom confessions? Come on, Oprah--I expect more from you.

How about the moms whose diaper bags are actually full of those tiny liquor bottles like you get on an airplane? The ones who meet guys on the internet then meet them in the parking lot at the mall to have sex in the minivan? The ones who blow their doctors in exchange for Botox? The ones who embezzle money from the PTA, or steal jewelry from their best friends' houses or sleep with their neighbor's husbands? Or sleep with the other moms in playgroup? Or something--anything better than "Some days I just really don't enjoy taking care of my kids." You and every other mom on the planet.

Oprah's version of mom confessions should be like an episode of the Family Guy, where baby Stewie listens to the confessions and says "Oh, right--I get it--you're saying you're a bad mom because you skip pages when you read to your kid at night but you really mean look how great I am for reading to my kid at night in the first place."

Happy 4th

Whew, I'm coming over here to escape the drama shitstorm happening on my other blog right now. Apparently the secret to big blog activity is insulting internet big-wigs. All I know is that I think I just might make enough money off blogging this month to buy a #1 meal at McDonald's thanks to this whole exchange. I think I make $5 per 1,000 page impressions with BlogHer ads on that blog, and I think in the past 24 hours I've gotten over 500. Don't let anyone try to tell you making money blogging is easy--or for the thin-skinned. There are plenty of other ways to make $5 that don't involve having 20+ strangers point out what a stupid asshole you are for daring to criticize an internet celeb.

I'm tellin' you, it's hard out here for a pimp.

Compare blogging as a way of making money to being a lawyer--yesterday I had to visit one to address some custody issues that I'm getting sick of dealing with. His hourly rate? $325. If you want to make money, clearly being a lawyer is the way to go over blogging.

Anyway, a lot has happened since I last posted. Jon and Kate are no more, for one. I've seen a ton of movies--I can't even keep track anymore. Off the top of my head:
Transformers--rocked
Public Enemies--didn't exactly suck but was kind of a yawner
The Hangover--was pretty funny but not hysterical or anything
The Taking of Pelham 123--ROCKED
Night at the Museum--was ok
Land of the Lost--SUCKED. Sadly.
Angels & Demons--I think it pretty much rocked--saw it a while ago
Star Trek--rocked

Off the top of my head, that's all I can remember.

Just read an awesome book--Look Me In the Eye: My Life with Aspergers by Augusten's brother, John Elder Robison. I LOVE this book and was sad when it ended. I sort of figured it probably just got published because he's Augusten's brother, but I have to say the book totally holds its own and he holds his own as a writer. He better be working on his next book because now I love him almost as much as I love Augusten.

I'm finally reading Ayelet Waldman's book and LOVE it so far.

One thing the combination of the blog throwdown and Ayelet Waldman's book is making me think about is social media as a career and how, while it seems to be tailor-made for women with kids (can work from home, set your own schedule, etc) I personally think it is one of the most time-consuming and intrusive careers you can pick if you're a women with kids. I'm not talking about a career like mine--doing social media for an organization; I'm talking about being a social media guru--writing books, blogging, speaking...AND keeping up with 80,0000 or more people on Twitter. Think about it--even if you're a lawyer or some other time-intensive professional--at the end of your 80 hour week at least you get to go home, play golf, watch TV, travel, whatever. If you're a social media celeb, when do you get a break? Never. Your work is YOU, basically--you are expected to be on 24/7. Ayelet Waldman's book is all about how it's impossible to be a good mother yet easy to qualify as a good dad.

I have to go to the pool with Patrick and the kids now (bad mommy blogging on 4th of July).