The Real Reason I Love Social Media

In 140 characters or fewer, this is why I love social media:

@themediaishirin Helping laid off media employees find new work 140 characters at a time. Email us at mediaishiring@gmail.com

Reasons why this is awesome:

1) A 140 character resume as a serious way to find a new job? Hells yeah. You can't get more FIO than that, unless the world is reduced to communicating via meaningful glances or tongue clicks.

2) The name is really themediaishiring. But the dude either mistyped and left off the "g" or that was too long a username. Does he sweat it? Nope--in the awesome world of social media stuff like that just doesn't matter.

In traditional communications there are all kinds of rules: you have to have a journalism degree; you have to proof and edit and proof again--mistakes are forbidden; you have to use correct punctuation; you have to use italics and footnotes with subscripts and all that kind of stuff.

But in "new" media? Fuck that shit. Forget the "g" on the end of your name? Makes it more authentic. Italics? So old-school. Typos? Whatever--everyone knows bloggers are so busy furiously expressing themselves that they can't be bothered with editing or proofing. And don't even think of hiring someone to edit for you--that's a big no-no; again with the authenticity.

And times like now, when I started a post but have to be somewhere in 5 minutes so don't have time to think of a snappy ending--no matter.

Not.Feeling.It.

I don't know what's up with me--I'm just not feeling like blogging lately. Maybe because nothing interesting is happening lately? Or because I hate winter? I'm not feeling bad or anything--unlike my poor sister Cassie--just not very inspired to write anything interesting.

So I'm wracking my brains trying to think of something interesting and still coming up dry.

I'm trying to read several books right now--Amy Tan's Saving Fish From Drowning (it's good but apparently not that riveting, judging by the fact that I've been trying to read it for like a month now and am only on page 143); Elizabeth Buchan's Revenge of the Middle Aged Woman (again, ok but not great--but it is the prequel of a better book, Wives Behaving Badly) and another library book so uninspiring I can't even remember the name and am too lazy to go get it from the kitchen, where it's waiting to go back to the library since I've only read about 20 pages in the 3 weeks I've had it.

Wow--I'm boring myself just writing this so instead of continuing the torture for both of us, let's go to some commercial breaks.

Blythe: I can't decide if this is cute or just downright freaky:


Watching it again, I think I might have to go with freaky.

Kiddles: This is 90% hilarious and 10% emotional abuse against a child. Watch this and tell me you don't think the girl got the beat-down immediately following the taping of this video.



Am I imagining it or is the mom sort of sobbing at the end of the video?

Stuff Black People Like

Geez, I am slacking off about writing in here lately. Any blogging time I have seems to go to Mizz Information, since that blog actually gets read now, believe it or not. I started that blog last February and it had 18 page views that month; last month it was up to 496 page views. Twice in the past month I've had people interview me for print articles about social media and social networking--it cracks me up that it's possible to be an "expert" on Facebook and Twitter.

But I digress...

Ok, we all know a) how obsessed I am with Stuff People Like and b) how obsessed I am with black culture.

I don't know why it didn't occur to me to search for it sooner, but the other day I suddenly wondered "I wonder if there's Stuff Black People Like?" I Googled it and of course there is Stuff Black People Like. The first one I clicked was hilarious. I particularly liked Matching from Head to Toe and Beyond and Hair Styles. Then I clicked on "about" and realized the guy who writes it is white. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but somehow a white guy writing about what black people like just doesn't work as well as a black guy writing about what black people like. So I continued my search and found my new obsession: Cobb.

I will let you read and enjoy it at your leisure--and don't forget the comments! My favorite comment?

"I can't get enough of hot sauce. I put hot sauce on everything...even ice cream and pussy!"

Crickets
I'm just fresh out of things to blog about tonight, but didn't want to let a whole week pass without something going on here. So here's a liddle kiddle vid:


I wonder why there are so few Kiddle fans out there in cyber-world. There are tons of Blythe fans on Facebook and Blythe videos on YouTube.

Cassie, we need to get right on this and rectify this situation, don't you think?

Beauty Favorites

I know all of you have always thought "If Maggie is dumb enough to pay $500 for Botox she must spend a fortune on other makeup and beauty products." Actually, not true. True, I have tried many expensive products, but for the most part, over the years I have ruled out most of them in favor of cheap products that work just as well or better.

Ok--get your pens and paper out because I'm about to save you the trouble of trying a bunch of expensive products yourself and tell you what works.:

1) Avon ANEW ADVANCED All-In-One MAX SPF 15 UVA/UVB Lotion. It is light, doesn't make you break out, and contains glycolic acid and retinol, which correct sun damage and prevent further damage. Avon sells it for $16.50, but it frequently goes on sale. Also--and this applies for all these products--I always check ebay first because sometimes you can get the same product, brand new in the box--for way less on ebay. In this case it doesn't matter as much because it's pretty cheap from Avon, but it never hurts to check ebay first. With Avon products though, ebay usually isn't the best choice because you have to pay shipping and you don't if you buy Avon through your local Avon lady.

2) Dr. Perricone Neuropeptide eye cream. Ok, I'm already contradicting my thing about only buying cheap products--this retails for $195. But wait! The first time I bought it--and this is my gift to you--I got it from QVC because they have a "30 day or bottom of the bottle" guarantee. Meaning, you can buy it, pump it all into another container and return the empty bottle for a full refund. Before you damn me to hell, let me add that over the years I've bought a LOT from QVC, so I figure I'm entitled to a one-time free gift of some eye cream. I wouldn't do it more than once--come on, even I have a conscience. But all of you haven't used up your chance yet, so I forgive you in advance for doing it this one time. Anyway, if you don't want to go to hell over a bottle of eye cream, you can get it on ebay for anywhere from $20-$50, new and sealed. That's where I bought it after I realized I couldn't live without it after the free QVC trial. It works so well it's actually worth $195 and, if ebay didn't exist, I'd have to pay $195 for it because I haven't found another eye cream I like as much. Avon has a few that are also good, but in general, anything too creamy just makes the puffy bags under my eyes worse. Yes, even creams or gels that say they're specifically for getting rid of puffy eye bags.

3) Genie Instant Line Smoother. Ok, if you don't want to do the QVC try-and-return with the Perricone eye cream, you should definitely do it with this because this is a product that truly requires a try before you buy. I bought it wanting to just try it, and figured I'd be returning it because I doubted it actually worked. I have to say that, aside from Botox, this is the only other thing that honestly makes a visible difference--granted for puffy eyes, though, not wrinkles. If they invented the injectible equivalent of this I would do it, but sadly, it's the cosmetic equivalent of Cinderella's glass shoe--transforms when it's on, but once you wash it off, your eye bags are back. I would buy it from QVC the first time to make sure you like it, then look for it on ebay for less. Unfortunately, you can't find it for a lot less than the QVC price of $29.95, but it's always worth a look.

I should back up and say that I use this Genie line smoother for my eye bags--not for all over my face. I swear to GOD it works like a miracle--it honestly either fixes the bags completely or at least makes them 75% better. Even Patrick admits that it works.

Whew, this is tiring--guess I have a lot to say about beauty products. How about I leave it at this and next time cover face cleanser, night lotion and acne medicines? Then I will move on to cosmetics. Gives you something to look forward to and gives me at least 2 no-brainer blog posts.

Spawn of FIO

Mimi (aka Wednesday--my preferred name for her) was going to a birthday party today. I asked what she wanted to get the girl for a present. Her answer?

"I'll just give her some cash."

She insisted that buying a gift card is a waste of money--you have to pay $3 or whatever to activate it.

Clearly, she's inherited the FIO gene from me--or, I should say, the gene formerly known as FIO and now known as "Green."

• Why put a lot of thought into picking a gift; after all, who is better qualified to pick the perfect gift: the gift giver or the recipient? That's a lazy and inconsiderate way of thinking about it, right? Wrong! That's the green way of looking at it. Do you really want to saddle the gift recipient with not only a gift he/she won't use (wasting resources) but with the carbon footprint that unwanted gift left in its wake: the driving to the store, the manufacturing of the product, the lights in the store, etc? Of course not.


• Sure a gift card is neatly packaged and does, after all, contain the word "gift." But A) it costs more than its cash equivalent and B) it adds unnecessary waste to the planet. First there's the cardboard wrapper, then the nasty plastic card itself--destined for the landfill as soon as the recipient uses it. Cash might be tacky, but there is no wasted packaging when you hand someone a $20. And you saved yourself $8--the $3 you would have had to spend to activate the card and the $5 more than $20 you would have had to spend because Visa or AmEx gift cards only come in increments of $25.

In the end, though, I insisted Wednesday give the girl a gift card, not cash, so I did leave the carbon footprint to the store and back, spent $25 instead of $20 (plus $3 to activate it)--and the supermarket cashier felt the need to put the cardboard-sheathed plastic card inside not just one but TWO plastic bags--a small one inside a bigger one, even though the only thing the bigger one contained was a bottle of Diet Pepsi and a pack of gum.

What would a BPE have done in this situation? On one hand, no self-respecting BPE would ever have their kid show up at a party with anything less than a Martha Stewart-esque wrapped gift with matching bow and card. Then again, don't BPE get bonus points for being green?

Eco=FIO

After much deliberation, I still haven't come up with a comprehensive list of resolutions for 2009, so I'm settling on just one: this year I'm going to become more "green."

The beauty of the green lifestyle is that much of it is just a way to turn what is really a bunch of fuck it off (FIO) ways into something admirable and PC. If you think if it, doing what's right for the environment is, in many cases, just the same as being cheap and/or lazy.

Examples:

1) Gift wrapping. Only enviro-haters who want the earth to turn into a fireball buy fancy paper that's sole purpose is to envelop a gift already boxed or otherwise packaged for a few minutes until it's disdainfully ripped off and thrown in the trash. The eco-friendly way to wrap a gift is to use newspaper or, better yet, just hand it to the recipient unwrapped and explain to him or her that you're being eco-friendly and forgoing wrapping paper. You will score bonus points for being green, and will have saved yourself not only the expense of wrapping paper, bows, tape and a gift tag, but the chore of actually wrapping the gift.

2) Holiday or Greeting Cards. So you forgot to send a friend a birthday card, or didn't feel like shelling out upwards of $25 for cards (who am I kidding--most people purchase custom-crafted holiday cards that cost several dollars each; the sky is the limit because, after all, Christmas only comes once a year!)? Should you feel like a rude, forgetful slacker? No! You should feel like an eco-hero, because you saved not only the money for the cards and postage, but the trees that would have had to die for that card and of course the carbon footprint that card would have left on the planet: the gas for the mail truck, the machines that process mail--it all adds up, you know. Instead, you can just send an email saying happy birthday (or holiday, or whatever)-I just saved a tree in your honor by not sending you a card.

3) Personal grooming.Showering: wastes water and necessitates the purchase of shampoo, conditioner, shower gel and whatever other accoutrements you personally like to add to your shower or bath experience. Deodorant costs money and contains harmful, cancer-causing aluminum and is encased in earth-killing plastic. God forbid you use the aerosol kind--don't even get me started on the carbon footprint and health hazard that is aerosol anything. Ditto toothpaste. Instead of wasting time, money and effort showering and grooming daily, limit showers to once or twice a week (hey, Europeans do it so it must be great), skip the surfectant-laden shampoo and other cleanser and buy a big slab of eco-soap that does double duty as shampoo and body wash. Skip toothpaste--baking soda on a finger is good enough and saves the landfills from being filled with used toothbrushes and empty toothpaste tubes. And so on--basically the dirtier you are, the closer to the earth you are, right?

Ok, actually, after writing #3 I realized that there's no way I can ever go green--I am way too vain and lazy to ever become an eco-vigilante of that magnitude. I'll stick to not wrapping gifts or sending cards and exploring the world of luxury organic grooming products from my friend's online store, Organically Happy. I do admit that I have recently tried two eco products and was pleasantly surprised that they turned out to be better than their chemical-laden equivalents: Filthy Farmgirl Royal Almond handmade soap and SensAtia Grapefruit & Avocado Body Balm.

Well, here's to another year of living the FIO life and loving it!

*Moral of this post: don't write a blog post while you're watching TV; I've already had two people point out typos and/or grammar mistakes in this post.

FIO Movie Recap 2008

Didn't get to the movie theater 50 times in 2008 like I did? Fear not--here are my reviews so you can plan your Netflix queue accordingly.

In an effort to stay true to this blog's FIO theme, I'm dispensing with any (ok, almost any) commentary and sticking to two categories: sucked or rocked. All caps means it REALLY rocked or sucked.

First Sunday--sadly, sucked
Cloverfield--rocked
Untraceable--rocked
The Eye--sucked
Step Up 2 the Streets--rocked
The Bank Job--rocked
Horton Hears a Who--sucked (can't compete with original)
Meet the Browns--don't really remember but I'm going with rocked
21--ROCKED
Flawless--can't really remember but I seem to remember it was good, so rocked
The Ruins--sucked so bad it rocked
88 Minutes--rocked
Forgetting Sarah Marshall--ROCKED
Deception--ROCKED
Baby Mama--ROCKED
Iron Man--rocked (Patrick would put that in all caps; it was his best movie of 2008)
The Strangers--ROCKED
Sex and the City--rocked
Zohan--rocked
Kung Fu Panda--rocked
The Happening--didn't totally suck but didn't really rock either
The Incredible Hulk--rocked
Wanted--rocked
Hancock--rocked, even though it got horrible reviews
The Dark Knight--ROCKED. Heath Ledger BETTER get the Oscar for it.
Step Brothers--ROCKED. Mimi's favorite movie ever--except for Baby Mama.
American Teen--SUCKED. This was the WORST movie of 2008. How do you make a documentary about teen angst boring? Well, this person did.
The Pineapple Express--ROCKED HARD. Started a heated dispute between Patrick and I; I SWEAR in the preview one guy says "It smells like pot's vagina." Patrick maintains he's saying "God's vagina." I'm sticking with pot's vagina, even though in reality he does say God's vagina, because pot's vagina is funnier.
Tropic Thunder--ROCKED
Death Race--ROCKED
Traitor--ROCKED
Burn After Reading--rocked
The Family That Preys--rocked
Lakeview Terrace--rocked (although verging on sucked)
Body of Lies--rocked
Righteous Kill--ROCKED
Semi Pro--SUCKED. Not funny at all; total disappointment.
Street Kings--ROCKED
Vantage Point--rocked
Transporter 3--basically sucked
Twilight--sorry, but SUCKED
Quantum of Solace--ROCKED. Too violent my ASS--it was awesome.
Four Christmases--ROCKED
What Happens in Vegas--ROCKED
The Day the Earth Stood Still--sucked
Benjamin Button--rocked (notice that isn't all caps; it wasn't that great and was VERY LONG)

Best movie of 2008? I'm going with Righteous Kill. How can you top De Niro and Pacino together?

It's Omos Christmas

I don't have time to post right now but just wanted to say I'll be back within the next few days with several exciting posts:

1) Top Movie of 2008. Patrick suggested this and I love the idea--we're going to go through every single movie that was out in 2008 to remember what we saw then pick the winner.

2) New Years Resolutions.Self explanatory.

3) Guest post from Wednesday.I am going to try to bribe Wednesday to write a post. Hopefully it will be as good as Matthew's post. (I was going to link to it but can't find it now).

Ok, well Wednesday is telling me I "do too much blog" so I have to sign off now.

Twitter in Real Life and My Fimlmaking Debut

Prepare for awesomeness:

Rash

Patrick (otherwise known as the best husband in the universe) is slaving away with our friend, Keith, creating a custom-built closet for us. Keith is like me--gets on a jag with something and can keep going for hours. Well, except that he has actual talent--woodworking (besides being an MD)--and my main talent is obsessively sitting in front of a computer. Anyway, my point is that they're still working away and it would be too rude for me to just go to sleep while they're slaving away to build me this fancy closet.

Meanwhile, I'm having some kind of allergic reaction and my body feels like it's on fire itching and burning like crazy. Keith looked at me and told me my skin is "mottled"--I guess it's like a rash but not bumps--and told me to take Benadryl. So I had to take it, yet I can't fall asleep because they're still working.

So what's a girl to do to entertain herself and stay awake? Blog, I guess, since even I'm getting tired of reading my own tweets. That's one thing about Twitter--it's kind of depressing, if you think about it--it's the equivalent of just spouting off random 140-character comments to yourself, most of the time to no response or anything.

Here's the thing: if you're doing it in writing using Twitter you're cool; if you did the same thing out loud to yourself you'd be schizophrenic. Someone needs to make a spoof video of that the same way they made that great one about Facebook in real life. Someone just walking around, muttering 140 character tweets to themself. I thought I was bad but there are some people out there who are pretty pathetic with the amount of tweeting they do. I won't name names but there is one social media huge wig who, in addition to being a very prolific blogger, is on Twitter CONSTANTLY. It's to the point that it's uncomfortable to read it because he's just rambling on and on and on and on.

Kind of like me now. Sorry--that's the benadryl typing.

Happy Holidays!

Click "play" and wait till the ad ends (a few seconds) then enjoy the awesomeness of the online holiday photo card, from us to you!

Make a Smilebox greeting

Facebook Offline?

This video is hilarious and, frankly, kind of makes you feel like a moron if you're on Facebook.

Entertainment Recap

I realized it's been a while since I've posted about books, movies and/or TV shows.

Here are some recent favs:

1) The Zygote Chronicles by Suzanne Finnamore. A while back, I posted about another one of her books, Split, and, while I thought it was ok, I was sort of underwhelmed by it. The Zygote Chronicles, though--that's another story. This book is incredible. I don't know if it's just because reading has become such a novelty to me lately or what, but I was just transfixed by this book. You need to read it and tell me if I'm just crazy or if it really was as awesome as I think it was. It also totally changes my perspective as far as Split goes--I now understand why she was so swoony and obsessed with her husband.

2) Mad Men. Maybe 6 months ago, after hearing my mom, sister and another friend rave about some mysterious show, Mad Men, I decided to see what all the hype was about. I came in about mid-season 2 and was hooked. Now I'm watching season 1 and it's so good it's crazy. Basically the entire show consists of a bunch of guys lounging around a Manhattan office, chain-smoking, constantly chugging drinks, and telling the "girls" how they should be dressing to best accentuate their "strengths." (read: tits and/or ass.) All I can say is this: if you haven't seen it, you need to either buy the whole thing and load it on your iPod, or at least rent the DVDs or something--whatever you have to do, just watch it.

3) Movies:

• Transporter 3--I gave it a 3: one point for the fact that Jason Statham is hot as shit, one point because the girl he's with is adorable with red hair, freckles and the bluest eyes you've ever seen, and one point because the driving is awesome. If you know me, you know that if I give a movie a 3, it's horrible. Patrick also gave it a 3, but that's a pretty good rating for him.


• Twilight--since we saw it on he heels of seeing Transporter 3 it was pretty good. I give it maybe a 5. Again, not a great rating for me, but not horrible. I forget what Patrick gave it and he's asleep on the sofa next to me now so I can't ask him; I believe if I were to ask him he'd say he gave it a 2 or maybe a 3. Just FYI--a bit of Patrick movie trivia for you--his most hated movie is Bug.


• This Christmas--I blogged about this awesome movie last year, and it was no less awesome the second time around. I said it then and I'll say it again now: black Christmas is a lot more festive than white Christmas.

America, You Should Be Ashamed

First there's Thanksgiving--the holiday where Americans are supposed to take the day to feast and reflect on all we're thankful for. Then comes "Black Friday"--the day we're all supposed to get up at 3am to start the holiday buying frenzy. You know, because we're in a recession and everyone's either lost half their net worth, their job, or their house--or two or more of the three--and we are all supposed to go spend a ton of money we don't have to fix the economy.

These patriotic citizens were SO enthusiastic in their pursuit of righting the economy by spending money at Walmart that they collectively killed an employee.

This is my favorite paragraph in the story:

A Wal-Mart worker was killed Friday after "out-of-control" shoppers desperate for bargains broke down the doors at a 5 a.m. sale. Other workers were trampled as they tried to rescue the man, and customers shouted angrily and kept shopping when store officials said they were closing because of the death, police and witnesses said.

I could say a lot more but will let you savor the story yourselves.

Excellent Thing One Million and One About Facebook

If you read this blog you know of my love for/obsession with Augusten Burroughs. If you don't read this blog: I LOVE Augusten Burroughs and am obsessed with him. The ONLY negative thing I have to say about him is that his website is an absolute usability cluster fuck--I must say that it's quite possibly the worst website I've ever seen. The only one that I can think of that may be worse is Ass Matrix--a totally crude site so I'm not sullying my blog by linking to it (if you're thinking of checking it out and are reading this at work, I'd advise you to wait until you're home because it is sort of, um, pornographic--but hilarious).

At any rate, I was checking his page out to see if he has a blog--the jury is still out on that one because I can't tell if what's on there is actually a blog--and saw that he says he'll answer questions on his Facebook page.

Naturally I went to find his page and can't believe it--he honestly does interact on a regular basis with his fans. I'm sorry but in what other way would millions of people be able to have direct access to an author and/or celebrity (he is, of course, both) on an ongoing basis? Maybe, MAYBE you could be lucky enough to have him come to your town and do a reading or something ONCE and get him to answer a question, but otherwise--forget it. Now you can go on Facebook, ask whatever you want, praise him, whatever--and he is there, in all his awesomeness, responding to people?

Score another point for social media.

I'm Baack!

Geez, long time no post. I was away on a business trip--the good part of which was that I was with my sister, Cassie. It was fun to work a meeting again--I hadn't done one in a few years. This was a convention with 12,500 attendees--probably at least 10,000 of whom were young 20-something girls who all looked like J Crew models. I definitely felt 40. Luckily, I got home Saturday night and Sunday at 5 pm was Botox.

Remember my strip mall Botox doctor, the one who wanted me to do marketing for him in exchange for free treatments? Unfortunately it turned out that what any intelligent person could have told me was true: strip mall Botox is no good. He may as well have been injecting saline that maybe sat next to Botox during shipping, because it lasted all of about a month--if that. So it was back to the regular Botox party with the guy who uses enough to render your face expressionless for a good 4-6 months.

For the uninitiated, a Botox party is when you get together a group of ladies and all get injections together--it's cheaper that way because the doctor doesn't have to open a vial to shoot up one person then have to waste the rest. The funny part to me is that half the women there don't tell their husbands they get Botox. They all had to come up with stories about why they were running out for an hour and a half at 5 pm on a Sunday night. That and then showing up at home with a bunch of little welts all over their faces. Not to mention $400 missing from the checking account. But I digress...all I know is that my wrinkles are vanishing as I type this.

Speaking of you, Cassie--did you know I tagged you to do 5 fun facts about yourself? Better get to work on that; even Penelope Trunk responded.

And speaking of Penelope Trunk--who, yes, I blog about almost as much as I blog about Stuff White People Like and Augusten Burroughs--had a good post last week that dovetails with this post and my last one.

Stand By Your Man...So He Can Step Over You When He Leaves You Destitute?

If you read this blog you know I'm big on forming opinions and recommending books before I've read them. In that vein, I'm about to have an aneuyurism about this book before I've read it so naturally need to blog about it.

I'm still reading Leslie Bennett's The Feminine Mistake and am even more obsessed with it than I was after the first time. I don't see how you can argue with her advice. Granted, it's a bitter pill to swallow--namely, that women shouldn't give up their careers to stay home to raise their kids. It's a message that I'm not entirely comfortable with; after all,I stayed home with my kids for 8 years.

However I am the first to admit that, while am grateful I had that choice for the sake of my kids, I am also the first to admit that Bennetts is right; while it was good for my kids to have had a mom at home with them, ultimately, it's more important to have a mom who is able too keep them in a home--and fed and clothed--in the first place. And you can't do that in the long run if you don't have a job, a pension (or 401k) and enough years in the workforce to accumulate enough Social Security credits to be eligible to receive benefits in your own right when you retire. (After all, can you really bank on the fact that a woman "may be" eligible for Social Security benefits as a result of her husband's work?)

Maybe it's because I was dependent on a man and experienced where that got me that I'm so passionate about this subject. It is incredibly easy to convince yourself that you will never have a financial care in the world as long as your man has a job. After all, millions of women do it, right? But what about the fact that millions of women also get divorced or become widowed?

While most people would never dream of going without car or health or home insurance, women don't think twice about the fact that opting out of the workforce for any appreciable amount of time (or maybe even any time at all) is a far riskier choice than going without insurance. The thing about going without insurance is that it doesn't matter until it matters, at which point it's too late to go back and get that insurance after all. Same with being financially dependent on a man--if you haven't worked in 5, 10 or more years and your husband leaves you or dies--or you leave him--you are, in all likelihood, screwed.

Sure, there's child support. All $384 a month of it in my case. I defy you to provide food and shelter for your kids on that. You get the house, right? Nope--not unless he either gives it to you outright or gives you use and possession for a few years, during which time you probably still have to pay the mortgage. Well, if you have to sell the house you get half the profits, right? Sure--if you actually make a profit--which, in this economic climate isn't anywhere near a given. But he has family money--you get half of that, right? Nope--anything he came into the marriage with is his and his alone and doesn't figure into the 50/50 equation.

Alimony--forget it, as far as being a long-term solution. These days it's restorative alimony only; the law no longer considers women to be incapable of supporting themselves and therefore needing or being eligible to have their ex-husbands support them even after the marriage. And so on...you get my gist. Fine, then--I'll just get a good lawyer and make him pay. Got $50,000 of your own to spend on litigation if you haven't worked in years?

Still think having a man is the only financial plan you'll ever need?

Enter Beside Every Successful Man: A Woman's Guide to Having It All, "...a guide for helping one's man achieve success (and, thus, get one's own in the process)."

I have to stop here and go purchase this book to see if it is actually as ignorant as that little synopsis makes it sound.

Tis the Season

I'm trying to muster up some creativity and/or motivation to write anything at all but am just coming up dry. Winter sucks. I just read some article in the Washington Post about a new treatment for depression using a big magnet; alas, it costs $6,000 to $8,000 and I'm sure insurance doesn't cover it.

Well, since everyone knows that laughter is the best medicine (well, other than Xanax) but I'm too blah to go search for something new and funny, here's one from the Motherwhatnowredux archives:

What's the WPE Quotient on This One?

Those of you who already read this blog know what WPE means (not by virtue of your own parenting, of course); if you're new, WPE = Worst Parent Ever. As opposed to Best Parent Ever. Naturally I am a BPE. Wink.

I've been meaning to blog about this for a while but working, freelancing, writing my other blog, playing computer games--oh, and of course, parenting--take up a lot of time and sadly, Motherwhatnowredux often doesn't get the attention it deserves. It used to be that nobody read Mizz Information so I didn't pay too much attention to it. Now, though, that I'm an official social media nerd, actual social media people read that blog--and even write about it. Or mention me by name (I'm the Maggie you're supposed to tweet congrats to--even though I did nothing but let viral networking do its thing--I'll take the kudos anyway).

Anyway, though, back to my original point: WPE. You've all probably heard of "safe haven" laws that allow true WPE--the ones that put their newborn babies into dumpsters or try to flush them down the toilet--to do the leave-the-baby-in-a-basket-on-the-hospital-steps-and-run without penalty thing. Safe haven laws allow true WPE to become the ultimate BPE--the kind who put the health and safety of their kids above all else.

At least, that's the case if we're talking about newborns. Nebraska, however, says why limit it to newborns? Raising a kid--and, mind you, in Nebraska "kid" means anyone up to the age of 19--is a hard job and sometimes you have to just throw in the towel. That hormonal 12 year-old girl getting on your nerves? Drive her to Nebraska and drop her off at any hospital--no harm, no foul.

My favorite part of this whole story is this quote, by Nebraska Sen. Arnie Stuthman:

“The main interest I have is that it gives the mother or a parent another option of what to do with a child before they do something drastic.”

Drastic like, say, driving the kid to Nebraska and abandoning them forever?