Decisions, Decisions: Botox or Kindle 2?
Sadly, Strattera didn't transform me into a normal person--unless normal means not being able to wake up and work out in the morning, not being hungry ever (which mitigates the not being able to work out part), feeling like you're going to pass out half the time and feeling stoned the other half of the time. And still not able to sit and read a book for hours. Oh well--so much for that--can't say I didn't try. Guess I'll just have to live the next 40 years of my life the same as I lived the first 40: multitasking and hyper.
Nothing much else is new, mostly because I've spent the past 2 weeks either at kid events or sitting on the sofa doing what Patrick calls "the death stare"--staring into space for long periods of time.
I'm having a personal crisis today. As I've blogged about before, I'm addicted to Botox. Sorry if that makes me not only crazy and hyper but vain and stupid, but it's the truth: once you've had a perfectly smooth forehead and no crows feet, there's no going back. Luckily for me, there are plenty of others who are equally vain and stupid, because it at least brings the price down slightly when you go to a Botox party as opposed to a doctor or medspa.
A "Botox party" of course being where at least 5 other people go get shot up at the same time, which means the doctor charges less because he doesn't have to open a new vial--each vial apparently needing to be used up or thrown out and each costing a fortune. Or at least that's what they lead you to think; for all I know Botox actually isn't more expensive per drop than life itself. Peddling Botox is probably more lucrative than peddling crack, at $20-$50 (or more) a "unit"--a unit being a microdroplet, of which you need about 50 or 100 to achieve numb perfection--I figure it's a pretty good racket.
At any rate, here's my dilemma. The Botox party is tomorrow...but today, when going to Amazon to buy next month's book club book--I saw this. The Kindle 2--perfect in every way--no more books to clutter up your life or weigh you down when you travel, wirelessly grab any book out of thin air for $9.99, etc--AND it reads aloud to you if you want. Which means no more having to spend 2 hours laboriously copying library audiobooks into iTunes then another hour figuring out how to load the thing onto your iPod in the correct order.
Anyway, the Kindle 2 costs $359. Outrageous--of course I'd never buy it. But wait. I'm about to shell out at least that much to iron out my forehead for 4 months. I never think about the money part of Botox--I save that money in a separate account and, 3 or 4 times a year, pretend I'm not writing that check for $400. Why don't I just not get the Botox and buy a Kindle if I want to waste $359?
After all, who the hell is looking at me anyway? I'm 40 and married and live in Olney, MD. It's not like I'm a movie star or even a news anchor--it honestly couldn't matter less whether my forehead has lines on it or not. But I'm telling you--once you've gotten it done once, you're done for. Even if they botch it and you end up having to walk around with one eyelid drooping like a stroke patient's for 2 weeks; it's like childbirth: you forget the horrible memories and want to do it again and again.
Then there's the peer pressure of the party--the more people that come, the cheaper it is. So I don't want to be the one who makes it cost more for everyone else, right?
Sigh. Maybe I will develop some self-respect and character by tomorrow and turn my nose up at vanity and Botox forever. Or, more likely, maybe I'll win $359 when I go to Vegas next weekend and use that to buy the Kindle 2. That's in addition to the $250 I already have to win to buy an iPod Touch, of course.
Showing posts with label Botox. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Botox. Show all posts
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Beauty Favorites
I know all of you have always thought "If Maggie is dumb enough to pay $500 for Botox she must spend a fortune on other makeup and beauty products." Actually, not true. True, I have tried many expensive products, but for the most part, over the years I have ruled out most of them in favor of cheap products that work just as well or better.
Ok--get your pens and paper out because I'm about to save you the trouble of trying a bunch of expensive products yourself and tell you what works.:
1) Avon ANEW ADVANCED All-In-One MAX SPF 15 UVA/UVB Lotion. It is light, doesn't make you break out, and contains glycolic acid and retinol, which correct sun damage and prevent further damage. Avon sells it for $16.50, but it frequently goes on sale. Also--and this applies for all these products--I always check ebay first because sometimes you can get the same product, brand new in the box--for way less on ebay. In this case it doesn't matter as much because it's pretty cheap from Avon, but it never hurts to check ebay first. With Avon products though, ebay usually isn't the best choice because you have to pay shipping and you don't if you buy Avon through your local Avon lady.
2) Dr. Perricone Neuropeptide eye cream. Ok, I'm already contradicting my thing about only buying cheap products--this retails for $195. But wait! The first time I bought it--and this is my gift to you--I got it from QVC because they have a "30 day or bottom of the bottle" guarantee. Meaning, you can buy it, pump it all into another container and return the empty bottle for a full refund. Before you damn me to hell, let me add that over the years I've bought a LOT from QVC, so I figure I'm entitled to a one-time free gift of some eye cream. I wouldn't do it more than once--come on, even I have a conscience. But all of you haven't used up your chance yet, so I forgive you in advance for doing it this one time. Anyway, if you don't want to go to hell over a bottle of eye cream, you can get it on ebay for anywhere from $20-$50, new and sealed. That's where I bought it after I realized I couldn't live without it after the free QVC trial. It works so well it's actually worth $195 and, if ebay didn't exist, I'd have to pay $195 for it because I haven't found another eye cream I like as much. Avon has a few that are also good, but in general, anything too creamy just makes the puffy bags under my eyes worse. Yes, even creams or gels that say they're specifically for getting rid of puffy eye bags.
3) Genie Instant Line Smoother. Ok, if you don't want to do the QVC try-and-return with the Perricone eye cream, you should definitely do it with this because this is a product that truly requires a try before you buy. I bought it wanting to just try it, and figured I'd be returning it because I doubted it actually worked. I have to say that, aside from Botox, this is the only other thing that honestly makes a visible difference--granted for puffy eyes, though, not wrinkles. If they invented the injectible equivalent of this I would do it, but sadly, it's the cosmetic equivalent of Cinderella's glass shoe--transforms when it's on, but once you wash it off, your eye bags are back. I would buy it from QVC the first time to make sure you like it, then look for it on ebay for less. Unfortunately, you can't find it for a lot less than the QVC price of $29.95, but it's always worth a look.
I should back up and say that I use this Genie line smoother for my eye bags--not for all over my face. I swear to GOD it works like a miracle--it honestly either fixes the bags completely or at least makes them 75% better. Even Patrick admits that it works.
Whew, this is tiring--guess I have a lot to say about beauty products. How about I leave it at this and next time cover face cleanser, night lotion and acne medicines? Then I will move on to cosmetics. Gives you something to look forward to and gives me at least 2 no-brainer blog posts.
I know all of you have always thought "If Maggie is dumb enough to pay $500 for Botox she must spend a fortune on other makeup and beauty products." Actually, not true. True, I have tried many expensive products, but for the most part, over the years I have ruled out most of them in favor of cheap products that work just as well or better.
Ok--get your pens and paper out because I'm about to save you the trouble of trying a bunch of expensive products yourself and tell you what works.:
1) Avon ANEW ADVANCED All-In-One MAX SPF 15 UVA/UVB Lotion. It is light, doesn't make you break out, and contains glycolic acid and retinol, which correct sun damage and prevent further damage. Avon sells it for $16.50, but it frequently goes on sale. Also--and this applies for all these products--I always check ebay first because sometimes you can get the same product, brand new in the box--for way less on ebay. In this case it doesn't matter as much because it's pretty cheap from Avon, but it never hurts to check ebay first. With Avon products though, ebay usually isn't the best choice because you have to pay shipping and you don't if you buy Avon through your local Avon lady.
2) Dr. Perricone Neuropeptide eye cream. Ok, I'm already contradicting my thing about only buying cheap products--this retails for $195. But wait! The first time I bought it--and this is my gift to you--I got it from QVC because they have a "30 day or bottom of the bottle" guarantee. Meaning, you can buy it, pump it all into another container and return the empty bottle for a full refund. Before you damn me to hell, let me add that over the years I've bought a LOT from QVC, so I figure I'm entitled to a one-time free gift of some eye cream. I wouldn't do it more than once--come on, even I have a conscience. But all of you haven't used up your chance yet, so I forgive you in advance for doing it this one time. Anyway, if you don't want to go to hell over a bottle of eye cream, you can get it on ebay for anywhere from $20-$50, new and sealed. That's where I bought it after I realized I couldn't live without it after the free QVC trial. It works so well it's actually worth $195 and, if ebay didn't exist, I'd have to pay $195 for it because I haven't found another eye cream I like as much. Avon has a few that are also good, but in general, anything too creamy just makes the puffy bags under my eyes worse. Yes, even creams or gels that say they're specifically for getting rid of puffy eye bags.
3) Genie Instant Line Smoother. Ok, if you don't want to do the QVC try-and-return with the Perricone eye cream, you should definitely do it with this because this is a product that truly requires a try before you buy. I bought it wanting to just try it, and figured I'd be returning it because I doubted it actually worked. I have to say that, aside from Botox, this is the only other thing that honestly makes a visible difference--granted for puffy eyes, though, not wrinkles. If they invented the injectible equivalent of this I would do it, but sadly, it's the cosmetic equivalent of Cinderella's glass shoe--transforms when it's on, but once you wash it off, your eye bags are back. I would buy it from QVC the first time to make sure you like it, then look for it on ebay for less. Unfortunately, you can't find it for a lot less than the QVC price of $29.95, but it's always worth a look.
I should back up and say that I use this Genie line smoother for my eye bags--not for all over my face. I swear to GOD it works like a miracle--it honestly either fixes the bags completely or at least makes them 75% better. Even Patrick admits that it works.
Whew, this is tiring--guess I have a lot to say about beauty products. How about I leave it at this and next time cover face cleanser, night lotion and acne medicines? Then I will move on to cosmetics. Gives you something to look forward to and gives me at least 2 no-brainer blog posts.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I'm Baack!
Geez, long time no post. I was away on a business trip--the good part of which was that I was with my sister, Cassie. It was fun to work a meeting again--I hadn't done one in a few years. This was a convention with 12,500 attendees--probably at least 10,000 of whom were young 20-something girls who all looked like J Crew models. I definitely felt 40. Luckily, I got home Saturday night and Sunday at 5 pm was Botox.
Remember my strip mall Botox doctor, the one who wanted me to do marketing for him in exchange for free treatments? Unfortunately it turned out that what any intelligent person could have told me was true: strip mall Botox is no good. He may as well have been injecting saline that maybe sat next to Botox during shipping, because it lasted all of about a month--if that. So it was back to the regular Botox party with the guy who uses enough to render your face expressionless for a good 4-6 months.
For the uninitiated, a Botox party is when you get together a group of ladies and all get injections together--it's cheaper that way because the doctor doesn't have to open a vial to shoot up one person then have to waste the rest. The funny part to me is that half the women there don't tell their husbands they get Botox. They all had to come up with stories about why they were running out for an hour and a half at 5 pm on a Sunday night. That and then showing up at home with a bunch of little welts all over their faces. Not to mention $400 missing from the checking account. But I digress...all I know is that my wrinkles are vanishing as I type this.
Speaking of you, Cassie--did you know I tagged you to do 5 fun facts about yourself? Better get to work on that; even Penelope Trunk responded.
And speaking of Penelope Trunk--who, yes, I blog about almost as much as I blog about Stuff White People Like and Augusten Burroughs--had a good post last week that dovetails with this post and my last one.
Geez, long time no post. I was away on a business trip--the good part of which was that I was with my sister, Cassie. It was fun to work a meeting again--I hadn't done one in a few years. This was a convention with 12,500 attendees--probably at least 10,000 of whom were young 20-something girls who all looked like J Crew models. I definitely felt 40. Luckily, I got home Saturday night and Sunday at 5 pm was Botox.
Remember my strip mall Botox doctor, the one who wanted me to do marketing for him in exchange for free treatments? Unfortunately it turned out that what any intelligent person could have told me was true: strip mall Botox is no good. He may as well have been injecting saline that maybe sat next to Botox during shipping, because it lasted all of about a month--if that. So it was back to the regular Botox party with the guy who uses enough to render your face expressionless for a good 4-6 months.
For the uninitiated, a Botox party is when you get together a group of ladies and all get injections together--it's cheaper that way because the doctor doesn't have to open a vial to shoot up one person then have to waste the rest. The funny part to me is that half the women there don't tell their husbands they get Botox. They all had to come up with stories about why they were running out for an hour and a half at 5 pm on a Sunday night. That and then showing up at home with a bunch of little welts all over their faces. Not to mention $400 missing from the checking account. But I digress...all I know is that my wrinkles are vanishing as I type this.
Speaking of you, Cassie--did you know I tagged you to do 5 fun facts about yourself? Better get to work on that; even Penelope Trunk responded.
And speaking of Penelope Trunk--who, yes, I blog about almost as much as I blog about Stuff White People Like and Augusten Burroughs--had a good post last week that dovetails with this post and my last one.
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