Penelope Trunk....Yes, Again

I'm not even going to bother searching this blog for posts to link to to prove my point that I'm obsessed with Penelope Trunk--if you read regularly you already know and if you don't you'll either have to take my word for it or search yourself. Anyway, my point is--I am obsessed with Penelope Trunk. And my worship of her just got two levels deeper today upon reading these two posts.

I'm telling you--she might be crazy but DAMN she ROCKS.

FauxPaw The Techno Cat

Ok, so yes this is taking the easy way out, but it's 10:20 pm and my idea of a blog post tonight is share the first thing I clicked on from Twitter tonight. Hat tip to Ben Martin's daughter!

It Takes a Village

The one positive aspect of divorce is that, if both you and your spouse are re-married (or re-coupled) there are suddenly four parents in the equation rather than two. Granted, sometimes the merit of that equation is not appreciated by the kids--like when all four of us show up at their sports events. But now that my ex actually speaks to Patrick it's not bad; while we won't be going on double dates anytime soon or having extended "family" dinners together, it's actually quite civil.

Mimi is not one for affection in any case and let's just say the ex's girlfriend has had a hard time of it this past almost-year, since he introduced her to the kids last January. But tonight is a historic night: the night that Mimi voluntarily went somewhere with the girlfriend. Just the two of them. Well, actually, three of them--Mimi brought a friend. What prompted this outing? The girlfriend managed to get tickets to the Miley Cyrus concert.

Now, that right there is proof that there is something to be said for having two mother-figures, because I'm telling you right now: hell would FREEZE OVER before I'd take her to a Miley Cyrus concert. Or any other concert, for that matter.

Hopefully Mimi will realize how hard this woman is trying and cut her some slack.

Not a Novel But....

Ok, so I can't commit to National Novel Writing Month....maybe I'll try National Blog Posting Month and actually post in here this month.

Unfortunately for you it will probably be about stuff like the fact that, despite trying my best to fight it, I remain shamefully obsessed with Jon and Kate. I don't watch the show anymore--the show itself actually sucks--but have been sucked into the tabloid drama of them. I'm telling you--it's the hair. People joke about her hair and say how horrible it is--for some reason I'm obsessed with it. The hair, the drama...it's just all so addictive for some reason.

Anyway, I usually don't watch the show--I don't like to give TLC the satisfaction of counting me as a viewer because I think the whole thing (despite my obsession) is horseshit. I guess it's the breaking up of their family that plays on my divorce guilt strings or something, because I am weirdly emotionally tied to their breakup--I feel personally let down and violated even though these may as well be cartoon characters. Maybe it's easier to watch other people go through divorce and feel sad than to look at your own situation too closely.

At any rate, I made the mistake of watching Kate--Her Story tonight. Mistake because a) her hair is all messed up and I'm sad about it; b) TLC got the satisfaction of sucking me in despite my best intentions to forever avoid tuning into that channel and c) because it's impossible to feel sympathy or harbor anything approximating a good feeling for Kate when you hear her talk. I try to believe she honestly cares about what's best for her kids--god knows she pays constant lip-service to it--but she is just so caught up in the fame and the money that it is painfully obvious that lip-service is all it is.

I had to turn it off when she pulled out photos of the kids she barely sees anymore since she's so busy with her public speaking, TV appearances, etc--and started going on about how can anyone question her devotion to her kids--after all, from the time she was 7 weeks pregnant till she was 30 weeks, she was on constant bedrest and didn't even EAT certain foods for fear of it harming her precious babies. Come on, lady--are you kidding me? She then went on to say that she HAS to continue doing TV because it is the ONLY way she can support her family. She literally said that it is her ONLY career option. Whatever--don't ask me why it riles me up so much but it does. Something about the whole situation just pushes my buttons. I swear it's enough to send me back to therapy....if only I had the time.

Boo

What's new with you? Here's what's new with me:

• Successfully dodged my least favorite holiday--Halloween--last night.


• I have a new job--starting Nov. 9. Woo hoo!


• Augusten has a new book: You Better Not Cry. I am torn between trying to plow through the stash of books accumulating on my nightstand and buying his book today and putting it at the top of the pile. The pile might tip over, however.


• November is National Novel Writing Month. What's the percent chance I write one? I'd say about zero. But maybe I'll surprise you. My sister Cassie is writing one, though, so all will not be lost if I don't.


• I'm feeling very fancy today because if you do a search for "social media salaries" on Twitter right now, every single tweet is about the blog post I wrote. Gotta get your thrills in life somehow, right?


• If you were impressed by that last bullet point, here's my other recent claim to fame: I am featured in an interview in this month's issue of Associations Now magazine.


• Over the past 24 hours, I've developed an increasingly-annoying twitch in my lower left eyelid. What's up with that? I pray it doesn't turn into the year and a half long saga my last eye twitch did.


• I need to turn off this computer and get my ass on the treadmill.

Mother Blogger

Or I should say, mother OF a blogger. My 13 year-old daughter--nicknamed Wednesday--is a great writer. I have been encouraging her to start blogging and she finally decided it would be a good way to document her interesting dreams.

So with no futher ado go enjoy the first installment of Wednesdays' Dreams.

If It Bends...

I am such a delinquent Woody Allen fan that I can't remember which movie this quote came from; I do, however remember the character who said it was played by Alan Alda.

"If it bends, it's funny. If it breaks, it isn't."

Ok, ok, I won't be that lazy--let me go look it up.....

It was in Crimes and Misdemeanors.

Sadly, Patrick hates Woody Allen so I never get to watch his movies anymore--I'll have to work on that.

Anyway, back to my original point. This thing with David Letterman and the whole extortion scandal? Fodder for Letterman to be talking about on his show or not? On one hand, I love it that he's not letting this guy get away with extorting him (can you use extortion as a verb like that?). The guy must have thought he was just brilliant and his plan was failproof--of course David Letterman would pay him $2 million to keep his escapades from the public. But fuck that--good for Letterman for doing the unexpected and outing himself and taking the humiliation rather than let that crazy guy exploit him.

Here's the thing, though--while I personally don't care if he cheated and I still think he's funny, what he's on TV to do is entertain people--not make them squirm. The first time he brought up the whole thing it was out of necessity--of course he's going to take advantage of the fact that however many millions of people were tuned in watching his show--what better time to beat the extortion guy to the punch. And the few jokes about the situation last Monday--"I spent the weekend raking hate mail" etc--ok, funny and an ice-breaker. But the plaintive admissions of how tough things are in his marriage, how hurt his wife is, etc--not funny. If there ever were a clear illustration of the point at which something bends (e.g. is funny) and breaks (not funny anymore), it is the 2 minute mark in this video.

While neither funny nor related--and also probably not even interesting to most of you but for some reason I'm sort of obsessed with it- the whole Jon & Kate thing is related in the sense that TLC needs to realize that it is no longer appropriate to air that show at all, even in the proposed "Kate plus 8" format. Maybe it's because I've been through a divorce and know first-hand how ugly it is and how nobody in their right mind would want to be a bystander to that, but the way the whole thing has gone down with Jon and Kate and TLC and the show and the tabloids and just all of it makes me incredibly sad for those kids.

If there's one cardinal rule of divorce that anybody should be able to understand, it's that no matter what goes down between the parents, you don't bring that ugliness to your kids. You may hate your ex or soon-to-be-ex and fervently wish he or she was dead; you may be incredulous that a person you once cared about enough to marry and procreate with can be this crazy or greedy or irrational or selfish or hateful or [insert your own negative characteristic here], but you always have to remember that this person who you loathe or who has caused you pain is still your kid's mom or dad and you don't put that on your kid. You just don't. They have enough to deal with adjusting to life with divorced parents. So for Jon and Kate to bring their ugliness to the whole world, and therefore into their kids' lives forever, is, in my opinion, inexcuseable. I will grant them that sometimes your emotions get the better of you and your judgement is impaired--and that's where I blame TLC for letting this whole thing keep spinning out.

What are they thinking, re-branding the show as "Kate Plus 8"? Because what those kids really need is the whole world to watch as they struggle with life after their parents' divorce? For everyone to think their dad has abandoned them?

You Must See Capatalism: A Love Story

I admit it--I'm biased--I LOVE Michael Moore. Remember my post about Sicko? I'm telling you--a) if you haven't already seen Sicko by now, you better rent it tonight. Especially given this whole health care reform thing. You know I don't like to talk politics or anything approximating anything political because it just pisses me off too much and I get all agitated and start talking too fast and too much and yelling and then can't sleep at night because I'm all riled up. So I will digress because I'm already veering off-topic...but just rent Sicko and see if you still don't think there should be universal health care in this country. INCLUDING a public option.

Anyway, back to my original thought--b) if you live in this country you need to see Capatalism. I will grant you that it's not as tight as some of his other movies and it took a while for even me--Micheal Moore-loving and gullible as all hell--to get sucked in, but he eventually got down to it and the result is a movie that makes me basically sad and embarassed to live in a country where shit like he reveals in the movie goes on.

**Spoiler alert, but not really because the movie will still be good**

Have you noticed that over the past few years there have been a lot more plane crashes than there used to be? I have commented to Patrick about this a bunch of times. It just seems like you never really used to hear about plane crashes, then in just the past few years, it seems like there have been a bunch. Anyway--when I saw Capitalism I realized there is a total correlation between what Michael Moore reveals and why there are more crashes. Namely--that pilots make no money and often have to either work second jobs, take extra shifts or, as one pilot in the movie explains, sometimes even sell their plasma to make ends meet. Yes, that's right--that dude who's flying you from NYC to LA may have just spent yesterday selling half his blood matter, which means he may not be in tip-top shape at 30,000 feet. I'll spare you the details but go see the movie and tell me if I'm crazy or you think there may be a grain of truth to what I'm thinking. That while airline CEOs are making a mint, the pilots are making less than McDonald's managers and subsisting on food stamps and second jobs. Sure makes me not ever want to fly again.

Worse yet are the "Dead Peasants" insurance policies. This guy explains it better than I would. You tell me why it is ok that something like this exists and why companies are ok with purchasing it? And cry me a river that Wal-Mart has apparently now cancelled these kinds of policies; like they should get a gold star for having done something as corrupt as this but cancelling it once the general public heard about it and the company's reputation was tarnished as a result. That's real noble. Did Walmart also give back the money to each dead employee's family?

Anyway, go see the movie. Check out Michael Moore's website. And pass it on.

I Asked And I Received

I am either stupid or have a very thick skin, because even though Ask And Ye Shall Receive totally slayed me and my blog, I think the review is hilarious.

The thing is--they're totally right.

Divorce Sucks

I'm supposed to be taking a self-imposed break from the internet for 24 hours but the book I'm reading isn't very riveting (or, I should say, books: Wally Lamb's The Hour I First Believed; Dr. Laura's In Praise of Stay Home Moms; Chris Brogan's Truth Agents--library for the first two and won the third on a contest on Twitter). That and, to be honest, I'm sad and distracted and can't concentrate on much of anything right now. Why? Because after 3 years of being divorced and struggling with custody issues, trying to do what's best for my kids and, admittedly, also wanting to avoid $30,000 in legal fees, I'm realizing I may not be able to avoid it. I don't usually go this TMI on this blog--or at least I haven't for a while--but tonight I just feel like it and, since I think I've skipped posting in here for long enough that nobody much is reading anymore, it feels like as good a place as any to air this.

The reason divorce sucks is because there are no easy answers. The kids are supposed to be with me tonight. At 7 their dad brings Mimi here. Not Matthew. Lately has been deciding that since Mimi won't stay with him anymore (long story...bottom line she basically sleeps at my house full-time now, with his consent) Matthew should stay with him more (NOT with my consent). So tonight he told Mimi let's go, didn't tell Matthew they were leaving, and he dropped Mimi here. I called his house and Matthew answered, said he didn't know daddy had even left. Here's the thing: what the hell do you do in this situation? Poor Matthew is trapped in the middle. I can't seem upset or mad to him or he'll feel bad and think it's his fault. I can't call Eric to discuss it because when I tried twice, Matthew picked up both times and I didn't want to let on to him I'm upset. If I kick up a fuss and get into it with Eric--or even if I calmly request that he bring Matthew to my house as is mandated by the custody agreement--it will make Matthew feel bad. So instead Matthew is there and I'm here and Eric gets away with this for the millionth time.

I already spent $500 having my lawyer send Eric a letter a few months ago telling him that I was "concerned about your unilateral changes in the custodial arrangements" and that if he didn't start sticking to the court-ordered custody schedule I'd be "forced to take stronger measures." Obviously the letter meant nothing to him; now it's on me to either allow my kid to slip away from me without protest or put him through some version of Kramer Vs. Kramer. Either way it sucks--I guess it's on me to decide which sucks least and do that. Which, at this point, looks like it's probably the expensive, potentially traumatic for the kids custody battle option.

Sigh. Wish us luck.

Long Time No Here

Well hello there children!

Long time no see/blog at. I'm afraid I continue to become increasingly boring, blogging only about social media. The thing is that it turns out it's so much easier to write regularly if I am confined by a certain topic. I never realized how much easier it is to write that way, but it's like ordering off a menu--the more choices there are, the harder it is to pick one.

But I digress.

Nothing much new here. Another summer over. Had lots of fun, read lots of books, saw lots of movies. I copied the deluxe Shelfari feature from my sister, Cassie's, blog so you can see what I'm reading there. They need to invent one for movies and I'd never have to write a word--just click on the pictures and add them to my shelf.

Well, that's about all I got right now...I'm going to try to branch out and write over here more so we'll see how that pans out.

Example #1001 Of Why I Am A WPE

See this article in the WSJ called "Pursuing an Academic Edge at Home"?

Yeah, um,...I would never be pursuing an academic edge at home.

I worry about plenty of stuff, but one thing I can emphatically say I never worried about was my kids' math skills when they were 6. Or any age, for that matter.

Here's my thing: am I the only one who thinks that a better solution for a parent who is obsessed with their 6 year-old's math prowess would be Prozac? For the parent, that is; not the kid.

Dirty Moms

(I wrote this back in April but for some reason never posted it. Nothing better than stumbling across an already written blog post!)

I am not a morning person at all but have unfortunately had to become one--what with working and having to get kids to school. I have also had to become a morning exerciser, which is even worse than being just a regular early-riser. The thing I use as a carrot to get me on the treadmill at 6 am are my recorded TV shows: Oprah, Mad Men (I just keep watching the second season over and over), Intervention, etc.

So I was excited when I saw the Oprah line-up in the DVR: The Secret Lives of Moms. You know I'm all about hearing people's dirty secrets. And it was Oprah so of course it was going to be totally sensationalized--even better.

But I turned it on this morning and these were some of the "dirty" secrets Oprah's guests were revealing:

"Sometimes when I read to my kid at night I skip pages."

"Once, when I was on a 7-hour drive with the kids asleep in the back, I had to pee in a diaper."

"Sometimes I don't shower for a week."

"I bought the food for my kid's birthday party at the fast-food drive through."

Are you fucking kidding me? This is what you call dirty secrets? And bad mom confessions? Come on, Oprah--I expect more from you.

How about the moms whose diaper bags are actually full of those tiny liquor bottles like you get on an airplane? The ones who meet guys on the internet then meet them in the parking lot at the mall to have sex in the minivan? The ones who blow their doctors in exchange for Botox? The ones who embezzle money from the PTA, or steal jewelry from their best friends' houses or sleep with their neighbor's husbands? Or sleep with the other moms in playgroup? Or something--anything better than "Some days I just really don't enjoy taking care of my kids." You and every other mom on the planet.

Oprah's version of mom confessions should be like an episode of the Family Guy, where baby Stewie listens to the confessions and says "Oh, right--I get it--you're saying you're a bad mom because you skip pages when you read to your kid at night but you really mean look how great I am for reading to my kid at night in the first place."

Happy 4th

Whew, I'm coming over here to escape the drama shitstorm happening on my other blog right now. Apparently the secret to big blog activity is insulting internet big-wigs. All I know is that I think I just might make enough money off blogging this month to buy a #1 meal at McDonald's thanks to this whole exchange. I think I make $5 per 1,000 page impressions with BlogHer ads on that blog, and I think in the past 24 hours I've gotten over 500. Don't let anyone try to tell you making money blogging is easy--or for the thin-skinned. There are plenty of other ways to make $5 that don't involve having 20+ strangers point out what a stupid asshole you are for daring to criticize an internet celeb.

I'm tellin' you, it's hard out here for a pimp.

Compare blogging as a way of making money to being a lawyer--yesterday I had to visit one to address some custody issues that I'm getting sick of dealing with. His hourly rate? $325. If you want to make money, clearly being a lawyer is the way to go over blogging.

Anyway, a lot has happened since I last posted. Jon and Kate are no more, for one. I've seen a ton of movies--I can't even keep track anymore. Off the top of my head:
Transformers--rocked
Public Enemies--didn't exactly suck but was kind of a yawner
The Hangover--was pretty funny but not hysterical or anything
The Taking of Pelham 123--ROCKED
Night at the Museum--was ok
Land of the Lost--SUCKED. Sadly.
Angels & Demons--I think it pretty much rocked--saw it a while ago
Star Trek--rocked

Off the top of my head, that's all I can remember.

Just read an awesome book--Look Me In the Eye: My Life with Aspergers by Augusten's brother, John Elder Robison. I LOVE this book and was sad when it ended. I sort of figured it probably just got published because he's Augusten's brother, but I have to say the book totally holds its own and he holds his own as a writer. He better be working on his next book because now I love him almost as much as I love Augusten.

I'm finally reading Ayelet Waldman's book and LOVE it so far.

One thing the combination of the blog throwdown and Ayelet Waldman's book is making me think about is social media as a career and how, while it seems to be tailor-made for women with kids (can work from home, set your own schedule, etc) I personally think it is one of the most time-consuming and intrusive careers you can pick if you're a women with kids. I'm not talking about a career like mine--doing social media for an organization; I'm talking about being a social media guru--writing books, blogging, speaking...AND keeping up with 80,0000 or more people on Twitter. Think about it--even if you're a lawyer or some other time-intensive professional--at the end of your 80 hour week at least you get to go home, play golf, watch TV, travel, whatever. If you're a social media celeb, when do you get a break? Never. Your work is YOU, basically--you are expected to be on 24/7. Ayelet Waldman's book is all about how it's impossible to be a good mother yet easy to qualify as a good dad.

I have to go to the pool with Patrick and the kids now (bad mommy blogging on 4th of July).

Tired
I keep feeling bad for neglecting this blog...and then I just keep right on neglecting it. I don't know why but it's just easier to write my other blog. I guess because I'm limited to the subject of social media--it makes it easier to narrow down the 20 million things I could be blogging about.

John and Kate Plus 8

Have you ever watched this show? Aside from drinking in Kate's hair (color=perfect; style=jury's still out), there's really no reason to watch it. A couple with 8 kids and what they do on a day to day basis. Yawn.

Yawn no more, though. Even if you don't admit to reading Star, People, US, or any of those other magazines, if you set foot in grocery stores or pharmacies, you have to admit you've at least seen the recent headlines about John and Kate. And/or seen her on the Today show.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Long story short: watching a family with 8 kids is interesting for about 8 minutes. Their 8 minutes are long over, but their family is now totally dependent on the income that the show brings in. Aside from Kate having written 2 books and doing some public speaking, the way she and John support their family is by living in the equivalent of a dollhouse with no back on TV for the whole world to watch and comment on. What happens, though, when this is your money model and people lose interest in watching you? I guess you're shit out of luck. Or, you start doing stuff that people are interested in. Like cheating on your spouse or fighting. Suddenly the worlds' ears/eyes perk up. Including mine.

So tonight I will be watching the season premier of John and Kate Plus 8, but not with baited breath like the rest of the world. I know the whole thing is a ruse. The producers of this show sat down with John and Kate a season ago and told them look, you're boring. If you don't want to have to go get real jobs like the rest of the world, you're going to have to let us write some drama and scandal into your scripts. So John will be playing the part of guilty cheating husband, just praying that his kids aren't old enough to realize what a pansy sell-out he is for not putting his foot down and telling his wife enough is enough, get the fucking cameras out of our house or I'm leaving. And Kate will be playing the poor, victimized mom who just wants the best for her family--even though she has not one ounce of respect for her husband and is gladly letting this show ruin her family because she can't stand the thought of letting go of the gravy train.

In the meantime, if you're looking for some entertainment, go have a look at the comment section of this mommy blog post. When they cancel John and Kate Plus 8 at the end of this season, I hope they start a reality show about feuding mommy bloggers.

Oh, and you know I am submitting my blogs to be reviewed by "Ask And Ye Shall Receive." Check out the url; how could you not be curious? And I promise not to go mommy-blogger on them if they skewer me.

Mommy Bloggers

I don't know why but recently I've become fixated on the whole mommy blogger thing. In case you have no idea what I'm talking about when I say mommy bloggers, I'm talking about Power Moms who companies are falling all over themselves trying to woo into hawking their products and services. I'm talking about women like Jessica Gottlieb, who get invited to the American Idol finale and party, and Jessica Smith, who is a Ford Flex spokesmom and gets to do stuff like be flown to Santa Barbara to stay at the Four Seasons hotel, work out with Oprah Winfrey's personal trainer and receive makeovers as part of a 30-day challenge on an upcoming fitness video program for the Nintendo Wii. This is how these ladies roll.

How lucky are they? Or...are they?

First of all, there seems to be a lot of heat on the collective mommy bloggers lately--the FTC is in the process of revising their guidelines relating to bloggers, based, it seems, largely on the tons of moms out there who are endorsing products on their blogs. I've already written about this stuff in my other blog so I won't rehash it here, except to say that, as you can see from those three posts, I'm not really feeling the whole blogging for money thing. Or I didn't think I was.

I honestly don't know, though--I mean, it depends how much money we're talking I guess. If I were able to make a reliable income blogging and do it full time, would I? Especially if my kids were little and it meant I could be home with them? If it meant I got stuff like free trips to Disney for the whole family and other free stuff and cool perks, would I feel differently? I'm kind of thinking yes.

What I do know is this: where there are women, there is drama. Rivalry. Cattyness. How could there not be? We're talking about not only women, but moms--the most judgemental population imaginable. Now in addition to criticizing each others' choices about parenting, breastfeeding and working outside the home, they can criticize each others' blogging styles and methods.

Honestly, it's better than TV.

The White House is Now a Black House

If you read this blog you know I'm obsessed with movies about black families. I love them--read that post if you want to know why. (Mimi is sitting next to me while I'm writing this, muttering "racist!" because I said "black families"--but you know I don't mean it like that.)

Anyway, I just heard that the Obamas are having a poetry slam at the White House tonight and I couldn't help but think that no white presidential family ever had stuff like poetry slams. Or comedians saying totally irreverent things at White House dinners.



Let me tell you this: if I could go back in time I would go back and reverse my stance on not voting and vote for Obama because he ROCKS. I stand officially corrected (go ahead and gloat, Beth.)

Calling All Worst Parents Ever: This Book's For You

Hey moms--despite your best efforts did you fail to earn Best Parent Ever status yet again this year? Not sure? Take a look at my Worst Parent Ever scale and see if you can hang with the WPEs. If you can, you'll probably want to read Ayelet Waldman's new book "Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace."

Ayelet Waldman earned herself a place in the WPE hall of fame when she admitted, in an article in the New York Times, that she loved her husband more than her kids. Oh, and that she actually enjoys having sex with her husband and they do it more than twice a year for his birthday and their anniversary. Her admission set the BPE world on fire and landed her on the Oprah show. Surprised at the fury her statement incited, she did what any WPE in her situation (e.g. smart and already famous) would do: wrote a book about it.

Talk about a genius idea for a book--what mom WON'T want to buy this book? After all, doesn't every woman, no matter how bad a mom she fears she may be, want to read about one who's worse than she is?

The Power of a Big Mouth

I'm thinking that it's probably time to move the post with the p-word down a notch, no?

I would say nothing much is new and/or exciting, but actually the past two days have been sort of exciting, in a if-you-call-this-exciting-you-are-pathetic kind of way, at least. Yesterday there was a flurry of twittering and blogging about a new association website--so I added my two cents. Within like 15 minutes of me posting the link to my post on Twitter, 150 people had clicked through to it. People tweeted about it, blogged about it...and now the CEO of ASAE is blogging about it.

Guess it's a good thing I didn't call the post "The Power of WTF" as I initially started to, right?