Decisions, Decisions: Botox or Kindle 2?

Sadly, Strattera didn't transform me into a normal person--unless normal means not being able to wake up and work out in the morning, not being hungry ever (which mitigates the not being able to work out part), feeling like you're going to pass out half the time and feeling stoned the other half of the time. And still not able to sit and read a book for hours. Oh well--so much for that--can't say I didn't try. Guess I'll just have to live the next 40 years of my life the same as I lived the first 40: multitasking and hyper.

Nothing much else is new, mostly because I've spent the past 2 weeks either at kid events or sitting on the sofa doing what Patrick calls "the death stare"--staring into space for long periods of time.

I'm having a personal crisis today. As I've blogged about before, I'm addicted to Botox. Sorry if that makes me not only crazy and hyper but vain and stupid, but it's the truth: once you've had a perfectly smooth forehead and no crows feet, there's no going back. Luckily for me, there are plenty of others who are equally vain and stupid, because it at least brings the price down slightly when you go to a Botox party as opposed to a doctor or medspa.

A "Botox party" of course being where at least 5 other people go get shot up at the same time, which means the doctor charges less because he doesn't have to open a new vial--each vial apparently needing to be used up or thrown out and each costing a fortune. Or at least that's what they lead you to think; for all I know Botox actually isn't more expensive per drop than life itself. Peddling Botox is probably more lucrative than peddling crack, at $20-$50 (or more) a "unit"--a unit being a microdroplet, of which you need about 50 or 100 to achieve numb perfection--I figure it's a pretty good racket.

At any rate, here's my dilemma. The Botox party is tomorrow...but today, when going to Amazon to buy next month's book club book--I saw this. The Kindle 2--perfect in every way--no more books to clutter up your life or weigh you down when you travel, wirelessly grab any book out of thin air for $9.99, etc--AND it reads aloud to you if you want. Which means no more having to spend 2 hours laboriously copying library audiobooks into iTunes then another hour figuring out how to load the thing onto your iPod in the correct order.

Anyway, the Kindle 2 costs $359. Outrageous--of course I'd never buy it. But wait. I'm about to shell out at least that much to iron out my forehead for 4 months. I never think about the money part of Botox--I save that money in a separate account and, 3 or 4 times a year, pretend I'm not writing that check for $400. Why don't I just not get the Botox and buy a Kindle if I want to waste $359?

After all, who the hell is looking at me anyway? I'm 40 and married and live in Olney, MD. It's not like I'm a movie star or even a news anchor--it honestly couldn't matter less whether my forehead has lines on it or not. But I'm telling you--once you've gotten it done once, you're done for. Even if they botch it and you end up having to walk around with one eyelid drooping like a stroke patient's for 2 weeks; it's like childbirth: you forget the horrible memories and want to do it again and again.

Then there's the peer pressure of the party--the more people that come, the cheaper it is. So I don't want to be the one who makes it cost more for everyone else, right?

Sigh. Maybe I will develop some self-respect and character by tomorrow and turn my nose up at vanity and Botox forever. Or, more likely, maybe I'll win $359 when I go to Vegas next weekend and use that to buy the Kindle 2. That's in addition to the $250 I already have to win to buy an iPod Touch, of course.