Yes, I Know This Blog Looks Like Sh*t


In case you're wondering, I am aware that this blog looks like a$$ lately. I could go into why but suffice it to say that I know and I'm thinking about it and when I get time I'll be fixing it. So try to ignore how horrible it looks and just read the posts.

Times Are A' Changin'

Ok, so I don't have time to post tonight but just wanted to let you know that I'm getting ready to do something I've never done before: a giveaway contest. I'm doing it out of curiosity and because it's a cause I believe in....so stay tuned because within the next week or so you will have a chance to win a $20 gift card right here!

Why I'm Not a Mommy Blogger


I'm a mom and I'm a blogger but I don't call myself a mommy blogger. Why not?

• My daughter will be 14 next month and my son will be 12 in July. Yes, I'm their mom and I love my kids but "mommy" is not the way I identify myself so why would I label myself a mommy blogger?
• Let's be real--how much respect do women command in this world by attaching the label "mommy" to themselves? We've got enough obstacles in life as it is--why add another? Last time I checked, most women don't score bonus points in the work world by labeling themselves "mom." Or in the non-work world either, for that matter.
• The whole mommy blogger thing has turned into a competitive, nasty mess where women are being taken advantage of by brands and PR agencies and sniping at each other. I don't want any part of that crazy competitive atmosphere. I don't want any part of the jealousy, the cattiness, the "hey--how come she got to do this and I didn't?" mess. Not sure what I mean? Just take the recent Dooce/White House thing as an example: read the comments of this post for a taste of what I'm talking about. 

St. Paddy's Day Stupidity


It's my third St. Patrick's day as a Mc: the first year I was in the ER with an ovarian cyst, last year I forget what happened and somehow didn't blog about it but I seem to remember something not fun happening, and again this year here I am in bed sick instead of at work. The world seems to be telling me that a shamrock shake isn't in my cards. EVER.

All is not lost, however, because in the span of just a few quick seconds on Twitter I have located two things crazy enough to inspire me to blog over here (as opposed to at my other blog). One is just stupid and a bad idea and the other is big-time crazy.

In the "just stupid" category is Ford's announcement that they're creating an app store for cars. Last time I checked a car was for DRIVING and doing it with as little distraction as possible so you don't kill yourself or others was a goal you'd think most car companies would embrace. You know I'm all for social media and gadgets--but, please, not in the dashboard of a car. Ford, I know you're getting a lot of props for your social media efforts and positioning yourself to be the car of choice for young, hip drivers...but please. How about a dash of "safety first" here? A car is not a toy. Driving distracted kills people.

Ok, I'm done.

Moving on to big-time crazy...just watch this then we'll discuss:



Where do I even start? With the fact that this woman is talking about being a fetish porn star with a 3 year-old in her lap? How this report just kind of glosses over that part of the story? Or how about how this woman can barely speak because she's so overweight yet she insists she "eats a lot but eats healthy" and thinks her health is fine?

Or how about we just go back to that first part about the porn thing? I love how mainstream media can't even comprehend fetishism and it doesn't even occur to anyone that this "website" she talks about is actually a porn site? If this woman were normal weight and doing an interview while putting pigtails in her 3 year-old's hair while talking about her "fans" and "website", and those fans were in fact men jerking off to her photos, do you think the report would be about anything but the porn? That shit would be on Oprah faster than you could shake a stick. But this obese woman talking about how her "fans" like to watch her shake her fat--the reporters act like she's just talking about how they like it...not how they LIKE IT. They're paying to see her jiggle her fat. People don't pay for that just to see it, people!!

Somehow I don't want that shamrock shake anymore....

Big Weekend Doings

• Clearly I live a very rock-star life; not only am I the mayor of two Dunkin' Donuts locations (on Foursquare), I am now also the mayor of Rite Aid and Norbeck Country Club. You know you wish you were me.
• Mimi had her first real babysitting job last night. I am now the mom of a kid old enough to work. 
• I fixed my hair color. Yes, this is newsworthy because I've been sweating my hair for months now--I've colored it about 10 times in the past 3 months trying to get the orange out. There are some things in life worth spending money on, but for me, hair just isn't one of them. So I'm excited.
• I only had 70 cents in fines at the library.

That's pretty much it. Don't you wish you were me?

Here's a Tip: If you Have to Hire a Mommy Coach, Don't Have Kids

It's been a while since I've seen a really good, amusing Best Parent Ever article. Well, until I saw this one, that is. Where to even begin? Now it's not enough to simply purchase a $350 stroller; you also have to pay a "mommy coach" $150 an hour to research which is the best one? Here's my free tip: if a stroller was dangerous, it wouldn't be on the market--choose one that's easy to fold up with one hand.

And sorry but you know I have to go here:

"Both my husband and I have intense professional jobs," Blair said. "A lot of the things April does you can also do yourself, but it does take a lot of time and we just did not have it. This is a huge industry and you can get sucked into all kinds of things and April gave us advice only on those specific things we needed."

Ok, two things:
1) You don't need to "research" any of this stuff. It is not rocket science and there's a 99.9999% chance nothing you buy will kill or harm your baby, and if it does, no amount of research could have prevented it.
2) If you "just don't have time" to research baby products, how are you going to have time to take care of the actual baby?

Sigh.

Then again, I can't say I'd advocate for going to the opposite extreme and having a do-it-yourself delivery either. What, and miss the beauty of the epidural? Are you kidding?

Why I Blog Redux

I've blogged about this before--the whole why do I blog thing--but if there was a law against blogging about the same thing over and over again, there wouldn't be very many blogs out there, would there be? I'm thinking about this now as a blog post I wrote on my other blog--posted at midnight last night (or do you call midnight "today"?) was picked up by Social Media Today and is getting tons of traffic. Over 2,000 views in a few hours, in fact--which, is traffic I NEVER see on my actual blog. There the same post has gotten 72 views. Why am I rambling about this, over on this blog where we couldn't care less about stuff like this? Because I'm laughing to myself at one of the comments on the Social Media Today version of the post--a very big-name PR/social media person is calling me out for causing panic with my post:

Kudos for suggesting paranoia is necessary, but when was the last time risk management was not undertaken at a business?

I'm laughing because I have no fucking idea what risk management even is and I certainly have no idea when it was or was not undertaken at a business. I wrote my post about Facebook randomly deleting profiles because I am genuinely curious about what the answers are to the questions I pose in that post, and, moreso, because I got to use the phrase "metric shit ton." When do you get to use choice phrases like that in business writing that someone is paying you to do? Approximately never.

So do I blog because I can push phrases like "metric shit ton" out to the masses on occasion? Maybe. I honestly don't know. I've been thinking about why I blog more and more recently, as my posts have started getting picked up by bigger outlets. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I mean, on one hand, it's good, right--why write the stuff if nobody is going to see it, right? But then again, wait a minute. I used to get paid to write articles for people's newsletters. Or copy for their websites. Now I write for free and businesses make money off what I write, but I make nothing.

Not to incur the wrath of BlogHer's CEO again (oh, wait--Echo screwed up my comments so you can't see that last time I posted about Blogher ads one of the co-founders actually left me several comments--thanks Echo comments which used to be free JS-Kit comments but now I had to pay $10 and my old comments disappeared...but I digress) but I have been running Blogher ads on my other blog since last June and this is how much money I've earned so far: ZERO DOLLARS. If I spend an hour painstakingly waiting for my account summary to load in Blogher ad's mind-bogglingly slow revenue-tracking system I can see that I've earned maybe $30, but have yet to receive a check or anything. But anyway--that's on me, not them--last time I blogged about this I got so mad I told them I didn't want to run the ads anymore, but then thought maybe I was being hasty since I get some minimal level of blog traffic from my posts that they frequently feature in their ads so I said never mind. But this is another facet of the "why do I blog" thing--if I'm truly not blogging for money, how do I feel about others making money off my posts but not me? Truthfully, not very great. But I"m the one enabling it to happen--to try to increase my traffic I willingly stick my RSS feed out there wherever possible--but now that my posts are getting picked up more I don't know how much I love it. Or maybe I do love it?

I guess it's all about what you want to get out of blogging. If what I want to get is exposure and fodder for my resume, it's good for me when others pick up or promote my posts. And ultimately this is what's happening--a few years ago I was a stay-home mom with an 8-year gap in my resume and now I'm a "thought leader" because I spend inordinate amounts of my personal time blogging and online in general. What's not to like about that, right? But then again, when I was a stay home mom, I was also a freelance writer and if I wrote something, I got paid for it. Paid a lot per hour. I think where I'm feeling conflicted is that I could conceivably do more freelancing now--and get paid a decent amount to do it. But I'm too busy working full time--AND BLOGGING. So, in other words, I don't want to spend my free time writing for pay and dealing with the stuff that goes along with that--deadlines, criticism, not being able to use phrases like "metric shit ton" if I want, etc. I prefer to spend my free time writing and not getting paid for it.

Huh? I gotta think about this. At least blogging is cheaper than therapy, right?

This is What Crazy and Obnoxious Looks Like



Not to mention the word HYPOCRITE. Sure, Octomom doesn't want attention and would a) never get plastic surgery or b) pose for photos in a bikini.

I feel kind of stupid blogging about this--but if the Huffington Post can do it, why not, right?

That said, I prefer this video:

*Vajazzled*

Um, what?

Bulltwit

I know I already posted about this on my other blog, but it's still grating on my nerves today so I figured I'd  continue the rant over here. Not the kind of ranting that's already going on, though; I mean, come on people--"Why does Vanity Fair Hate the Women of Twitter?" Really? According to this post, the article "paints them as attention seeking, pom pom wielding, phone sex operators for the internet."

Seriously? Vanity Fair is the bad guy here? Many women seem to think so--and some men as well.

Excuse me but come on--not to be a bitch but pick one: either use your sexuality to get ahead or don't. You can't have it both ways; complain that "the media" is portraying women in a negative light while you have a website that looks like this.  Granted the woman in the article who most resembles this remark, Adventure Girl, isn't the one griping about how disappointed she is with the way she was portrayed--but before the masses continue whining about how Vanity Fair portrayed the lot of these women as flighty, leggy airheads, have a good look at Adventure Girl's website. Oh, wow--you can become one of her "Sweet Tweets." Then scroll down the page and check out the "fun gifts"--you can choose a mug or poster featuring her tits--complete with "XO, Stefanie Michaels", or you can go with the cartoonized version of her in Daisy Dukes and huge porn star-esque boobs.

Don't get me wrong--I'm not lumping all the women into the same category as Adventure Girl--but let's call a spade a spade. If a magazine wants to feature you in a group of women that include, say, porn stars, and you accept--you can't then complain that you're being lumped into the same category as porn stars. You knew who else was being featured; you had the choice to pass on being glammed up, photographed in nothing but pumps and a trenchcoat and blithely described as a "tweetheart"....but you didn't. I'm quite sure there were about a million other women who would have relished the chance to be featured in the article and enjoyed the resulting thousands of new followers.

Another Guest Post--This One From Wednesday

Wow, maybe I really am a mommy blogger--first with one kid guest posting, and now the other. Yes, Wednesday (aka Mimi, but Wednesday suits her personality better), saw that Matthew wrote something so she wants a turn. So here you go:

my favorite quotes from stebrothers but im not putting quotes around them because i dont want to

im brennan but you have to call me nighthawk. you have to call me dragon
I DIDNT WANT SALMON I SAID IT 4 TIMES! this wedding is horsesh!t....
I know that you are technically married but that doesnt mean they have to live here
Ive been called the songbird of my generation, by people who have heard me.
im not gonna call him dad. EVER. even if theres a FIRE
robert better not get in my face, cause ill drop that mother f*cker
THIS IS THE FUNNEST NIGHT EVER!
i collected them from the 70's 80s and 90s....its like m**********g in a time machine.
I witnessed, with my eyes, your testicles, touching my drumset
I honestly thought i was gonna be raped. he had the craziest look in his eyes and at one point he said, lets get it on
We could start a step class, do aerobics, play army man, its makin my head spin how many activities we can do in here
how much money do you make a year, before taxes
Can you imagine if we had these when we were 12? even better, we got em when were 40
I kill you lernerd nemoy. The clown has no pen!s
You sounded like a mixture of fergie and jesus
at some times i felt like i was hovering over myself watching myself sing
Hey derek, you know whats good for shoulder pain, if you lick my butthole
Hello mizz lady
Panda...theres a d on the end
Im brennans stepbrother and i think i can help with the pan pam dilema
Hey i forgot to ask...do you liek guacamole?
On the count of 3 name your favorite dinosaur, dont even think about it just say it...1..2..3.VELOSARAPTOR. your favorite non pornagrphic magazine to m*sterbate to. GOOD HOUSEKEEPING. if you were a chick, whos the one guy u would sleep with. JOHN STAMOS.
So heres a senario for you dad: i just got out of the shower, ive got a nice bead of hair going from my chest pubes down to my ball fro. and nancy takes one look at me and says OH MY GOD ive had the old bull, now i want the young calf, and she grabs me by the weiner
He said the mean thing first
Im not the one staring at me!
The only reason your living here is because me and my dad both agreed that your mom is really hott, and maybe we should just both bang her and put up with the retard in the meantime
whos the retard?
you
HEY YALL DONT SAY THAT
i want you out of my f*cking house now
no way kimosabe, this is my house now
I make this sauce for brennan...its ketchup and mayonaise put together...we call it fancy sauce...FOR ME
ill try some fancy sauce...uhh i dont feel comfortable

***

Alrighty then...can you tell she's seen that movie like 100 times?

Guest Post from Matthew

It's that time again...Matthew's monthly guest post (Matthew is my 11 year old son, btw):

Hi everybody! This is the only time i'll ever be saying this, but i'm actually glad to go to school tomorrow. I hope that school is not hard tomorrow. Bye!

He also wanted me to add that his pet bunny (Cubby Jr.) is getting on his last nerve and he wants to get rid of it. Any takers?

2009 Movie Recap

Despite the bad economy, I did beat last year's total of 50 movies seen in the theater: in 2009 I saw 53. In the theater, not on DVD. (Technically, it was more than 53 because I saw a few of these more than once.) I don't even want to add up how much I spent at the theater in 2009; let's just say that I did more than my part to support the movie industry.

Last year I only had two categories: Sucked or Rocked. I've either become a harsher critic or 2009 was a pretty crappy year for movies because, looking over this list, there are very few that were really great. Therefore I'm adding two new categories: Pretty Good and Meh. Pretty good is for movies that didn't really rock but were, well, pretty good. Meh is for movies that neither sucked nor rocked but were just, well, meh.

So without further ado, here you go:

1. Gran Torino-ROCKED
2. Underworld Rise of the Lychans-Meh
3. Taken-rocked (with a small "r")
4. The Unborn-rocked
5. Push-rocked
6. He’s Just Not That Into You-pretty good
7. Pink Panther 2-sucked
8. Watchmen-meh
9. I Love you Man-rocked
10. Fast and Furious-rocked
11. Crank: High Voltage-rocked
12. State of Play-pretty good
13. Obsessed-sucked
14. Fired Up-pretty good
15. X-men Origins: Wolverine-rocked
16. Star Trek-Rocked (with a capital "R" but not all caps)
17. Anglels & Demons-meh
18. Terminator Salvation-pretty good
19. Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian-meh
20. The Taking of Pelham 123-ROCKED
21. The Hangover-pretty good
22. Land of the Lost-SUCKED
23. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen-rocked
24. Bruno-meh (with a small "m"; very close to sucked)
25. Public Enemies-rocked
26. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince-meh
27. District 9-rocked
28. Orphan-rocked (for scare/entertainment value)
29. Inglorious Basterds-meh
30. Hurt Locker-rocked (but I don't think it should win best picture or anything)
31. GI Joe-rocked
32. Julie and Julia-ROCKED
33. The Informant-rocked
34. Jennifer’s Body-sucked
35. Capitalism: A Love Story-rocked (but not as good as Sicko)
36. Zombieland-pretty good (but I'm scared of zombies)
37. Couples Retreat-sucked
38. Paranormal Activity-Rocked
39. The Blind Side-ROCKED
40. 2012-meh
41. Up in the Air-pretty good (I was not as impressed as everyone else)
42. Avatar 3D-ROCKED
43. It’s Complicated-Rocked
44. An Education-rocked
45. A Serious Man-sucked (maybe I'm just not smart enough to appreciate it)
46. The Haunting in Connecticut-meh (good scare/entertainment value)
47. Adventureland-pretty good
48. Brothers-Rocked
49. The Collector-Meh (verging on pretty good but not quite)
50. The Uninvited-pretty good
51. Confessions of a Shopaholic-rocked
52. Precious-rocked (but with a small "r"--it was a bit of a disappointment.)
53. Stepfather-pretty good (for what it was)

Best movie of 2009? Gran Torino. Hands down. Worst movie: Land of the Lost.

And a huge thank you to Patrick for keeping this list all year--without me even asking him to! And apologies to him for seeing Brothers without him...

My goal for 2010: 55 movies.

Happy New Year

There are just too many choices of end of year recap/new year prediction/favorite things/best of kinds of blog posts--the possibilities are overwhelming me and taking away any urge to post at all. So I'm just going to do a hodge-podge of random end of year/new year things and hope for the best.

Best Things of 2009

1. My Macbook. I could pretty much stop this list right here--that's how good it is.

It is, in fact, so good that I can't think of any other best thing of the year. I'll have to come back to that part.

Resolutions for 2010

1. See 2 movies in 1 day. I was originally going to go for 3 movies in 1 day, but I think that's a bit much for me, so I'm going to settle for 2.

Again, I'm coming up dry...that's the only resolution I can think of right now.

Favorite blog posts of 2009

1. Ask And Ye Shall Receive review of this blog. Call me a masochist but I love this review, even though it's totally reaming me up the a$$ for being a crappy blogger.


2. What if Your Personal Brand is your P*ssy. Sorry but if that's not the best title of a blog post ever, I don't know what is.


3. Gen Whine in the House. I haven't gotten that riled up about something in a while.


4. I Used to be Way Funnier. Sadly, it's true.

That said, maybe I should add to my list of resolutions that I'll try to go back to blogging about stuff other than social media. Then again, the only time anyone other than my mom and sister read my posts is when I blog about social media. Sigh.

At any rate, to any of you reading this post now, I wish you a fabulous, healthy 2010. (pronounced two thousand ten; not twenty ten, just fyi.)

Tiger Again

I usually don't read the Washington Post Sports section but this morning--as he was eating the delicious breakfast squares I made (in case you follow me on Twitter or Facebook and all my cooking/baking of late is confusing you, this is the one time of year when I suddenly am seized with the desire to cook and bake so I do it a lot...maybe this will be the year the habit sticks and I start doing it year-round..)--Patrick said "read this" and pushed the Sports section at me. "Of Tiger Woods and the man in the mirror" (sorry, I think you have to register (it's free!) on the Washington Post website to read this but it's worth it) is an interesting, if slightly confusing in it's veiled-ness, read. Basically the author is fessing up to his own sex addiction and saying that, in "the culture of the elite athlete...infidelity isn't merely condoned, it's strongly encouraged."

I say bravo to this guy and he's right. He talks about "bored, rich alpha males on the road for 270 days a year" and how infidelity is "an equal-opportunity addiction, costing manicured, polished stars such as Pitino their coiffed reputations and unknown, dumpy software salesmen their families and jobs."

At any rate, it was a good article.

Happy Holidays

I tried to find a really cute Japanese holiday-themed video, but they were all like 5 minutes long and looked more like anime porn clips than cute cartoons so we'll have to make do with this. Just pretend it features a holiday tune and wish yourself a merry Christmas and happy new year from me!

FIO Blogging=Posterous

I have found the winning FIO combo in life: AudioBoo plus Posterous. Audioboo has an iPhone app, which means you just dictate into your phone--as if you're talking on the phone, just to yourself--then it automatically posts the resulting stream-of-conscious genius to Posterous (a FIO version of blogging where you can post via email or voicemail).

The only crying shame of the whole arrangement is that you can't post from Audioboo to Blogger--because if you could you'd be hearing a lot more from me. As it is, I tried it yesterday and posted to Posterous, so I'll have to settle for posting to Posterous than taking the extra step of writing some perfunctory post in here linking to it over there. Like this.

Or you could just subscribe to my Posterous.....

Good Things

Just a few random recommendations for you:

• Awesome blog I just learned about--if you like The Bloggess, you'll want to read More is Better. Because the more hilarious bloggers out there who swear way worse than I personally dare to, the better.


• I'm on disk 9-the last disk--of The Wonder Spot by Melissa Bank and I seriously might cry when it's over because it's so good.

I haven't shared any videos lately; let's see what I can find....



Ok, me and my sister might be the only ones who think that's entertaining...now, here's one EVERYONE would find entertaining



Ok, so I made that one and I'm the one who finds it entertaining...better quit while I'm ahead.

My Advice to Tiger Woods

Patrick told me that Tiger Woods has announced that he's taking an "indefinite break" from pro golf because he's so mortified about the world finding out he's a cheater. This is what I have to say to him: who the fuck cares? You are not the first man on the planet to ever be outed as a cheater, a pervert and an asshole. Get over yourself and don't be such a pussy. Moping around your house and/or cowering from the media isn't going to put your marriage and/or family back together and it just diminishes you further in the eyes of the world. Go back to work, act like nothing happened, and next week some other celebrity will do something stupid and we'll all forget your indiscretions.

Guest Post By Matthew

My 11 year-old son is sick with strep...again. I'm sitting with him on the sofa and I asked if he wanted to write a guest post and he said yes, so I'm turning this post over to him:

I'm sick and I don't feel good :( I have been bored ALL DAY LONG. I hope I get better soon. Bye bye.