This is What Crazy and Obnoxious Looks Like



Not to mention the word HYPOCRITE. Sure, Octomom doesn't want attention and would a) never get plastic surgery or b) pose for photos in a bikini.

I feel kind of stupid blogging about this--but if the Huffington Post can do it, why not, right?

That said, I prefer this video:

*Vajazzled*

Um, what?

Bulltwit

I know I already posted about this on my other blog, but it's still grating on my nerves today so I figured I'd  continue the rant over here. Not the kind of ranting that's already going on, though; I mean, come on people--"Why does Vanity Fair Hate the Women of Twitter?" Really? According to this post, the article "paints them as attention seeking, pom pom wielding, phone sex operators for the internet."

Seriously? Vanity Fair is the bad guy here? Many women seem to think so--and some men as well.

Excuse me but come on--not to be a bitch but pick one: either use your sexuality to get ahead or don't. You can't have it both ways; complain that "the media" is portraying women in a negative light while you have a website that looks like this.  Granted the woman in the article who most resembles this remark, Adventure Girl, isn't the one griping about how disappointed she is with the way she was portrayed--but before the masses continue whining about how Vanity Fair portrayed the lot of these women as flighty, leggy airheads, have a good look at Adventure Girl's website. Oh, wow--you can become one of her "Sweet Tweets." Then scroll down the page and check out the "fun gifts"--you can choose a mug or poster featuring her tits--complete with "XO, Stefanie Michaels", or you can go with the cartoonized version of her in Daisy Dukes and huge porn star-esque boobs.

Don't get me wrong--I'm not lumping all the women into the same category as Adventure Girl--but let's call a spade a spade. If a magazine wants to feature you in a group of women that include, say, porn stars, and you accept--you can't then complain that you're being lumped into the same category as porn stars. You knew who else was being featured; you had the choice to pass on being glammed up, photographed in nothing but pumps and a trenchcoat and blithely described as a "tweetheart"....but you didn't. I'm quite sure there were about a million other women who would have relished the chance to be featured in the article and enjoyed the resulting thousands of new followers.

Another Guest Post--This One From Wednesday

Wow, maybe I really am a mommy blogger--first with one kid guest posting, and now the other. Yes, Wednesday (aka Mimi, but Wednesday suits her personality better), saw that Matthew wrote something so she wants a turn. So here you go:

my favorite quotes from stebrothers but im not putting quotes around them because i dont want to

im brennan but you have to call me nighthawk. you have to call me dragon
I DIDNT WANT SALMON I SAID IT 4 TIMES! this wedding is horsesh!t....
I know that you are technically married but that doesnt mean they have to live here
Ive been called the songbird of my generation, by people who have heard me.
im not gonna call him dad. EVER. even if theres a FIRE
robert better not get in my face, cause ill drop that mother f*cker
THIS IS THE FUNNEST NIGHT EVER!
i collected them from the 70's 80s and 90s....its like m**********g in a time machine.
I witnessed, with my eyes, your testicles, touching my drumset
I honestly thought i was gonna be raped. he had the craziest look in his eyes and at one point he said, lets get it on
We could start a step class, do aerobics, play army man, its makin my head spin how many activities we can do in here
how much money do you make a year, before taxes
Can you imagine if we had these when we were 12? even better, we got em when were 40
I kill you lernerd nemoy. The clown has no pen!s
You sounded like a mixture of fergie and jesus
at some times i felt like i was hovering over myself watching myself sing
Hey derek, you know whats good for shoulder pain, if you lick my butthole
Hello mizz lady
Panda...theres a d on the end
Im brennans stepbrother and i think i can help with the pan pam dilema
Hey i forgot to ask...do you liek guacamole?
On the count of 3 name your favorite dinosaur, dont even think about it just say it...1..2..3.VELOSARAPTOR. your favorite non pornagrphic magazine to m*sterbate to. GOOD HOUSEKEEPING. if you were a chick, whos the one guy u would sleep with. JOHN STAMOS.
So heres a senario for you dad: i just got out of the shower, ive got a nice bead of hair going from my chest pubes down to my ball fro. and nancy takes one look at me and says OH MY GOD ive had the old bull, now i want the young calf, and she grabs me by the weiner
He said the mean thing first
Im not the one staring at me!
The only reason your living here is because me and my dad both agreed that your mom is really hott, and maybe we should just both bang her and put up with the retard in the meantime
whos the retard?
you
HEY YALL DONT SAY THAT
i want you out of my f*cking house now
no way kimosabe, this is my house now
I make this sauce for brennan...its ketchup and mayonaise put together...we call it fancy sauce...FOR ME
ill try some fancy sauce...uhh i dont feel comfortable

***

Alrighty then...can you tell she's seen that movie like 100 times?

Guest Post from Matthew

It's that time again...Matthew's monthly guest post (Matthew is my 11 year old son, btw):

Hi everybody! This is the only time i'll ever be saying this, but i'm actually glad to go to school tomorrow. I hope that school is not hard tomorrow. Bye!

He also wanted me to add that his pet bunny (Cubby Jr.) is getting on his last nerve and he wants to get rid of it. Any takers?

2009 Movie Recap

Despite the bad economy, I did beat last year's total of 50 movies seen in the theater: in 2009 I saw 53. In the theater, not on DVD. (Technically, it was more than 53 because I saw a few of these more than once.) I don't even want to add up how much I spent at the theater in 2009; let's just say that I did more than my part to support the movie industry.

Last year I only had two categories: Sucked or Rocked. I've either become a harsher critic or 2009 was a pretty crappy year for movies because, looking over this list, there are very few that were really great. Therefore I'm adding two new categories: Pretty Good and Meh. Pretty good is for movies that didn't really rock but were, well, pretty good. Meh is for movies that neither sucked nor rocked but were just, well, meh.

So without further ado, here you go:

1. Gran Torino-ROCKED
2. Underworld Rise of the Lychans-Meh
3. Taken-rocked (with a small "r")
4. The Unborn-rocked
5. Push-rocked
6. He’s Just Not That Into You-pretty good
7. Pink Panther 2-sucked
8. Watchmen-meh
9. I Love you Man-rocked
10. Fast and Furious-rocked
11. Crank: High Voltage-rocked
12. State of Play-pretty good
13. Obsessed-sucked
14. Fired Up-pretty good
15. X-men Origins: Wolverine-rocked
16. Star Trek-Rocked (with a capital "R" but not all caps)
17. Anglels & Demons-meh
18. Terminator Salvation-pretty good
19. Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian-meh
20. The Taking of Pelham 123-ROCKED
21. The Hangover-pretty good
22. Land of the Lost-SUCKED
23. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen-rocked
24. Bruno-meh (with a small "m"; very close to sucked)
25. Public Enemies-rocked
26. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince-meh
27. District 9-rocked
28. Orphan-rocked (for scare/entertainment value)
29. Inglorious Basterds-meh
30. Hurt Locker-rocked (but I don't think it should win best picture or anything)
31. GI Joe-rocked
32. Julie and Julia-ROCKED
33. The Informant-rocked
34. Jennifer’s Body-sucked
35. Capitalism: A Love Story-rocked (but not as good as Sicko)
36. Zombieland-pretty good (but I'm scared of zombies)
37. Couples Retreat-sucked
38. Paranormal Activity-Rocked
39. The Blind Side-ROCKED
40. 2012-meh
41. Up in the Air-pretty good (I was not as impressed as everyone else)
42. Avatar 3D-ROCKED
43. It’s Complicated-Rocked
44. An Education-rocked
45. A Serious Man-sucked (maybe I'm just not smart enough to appreciate it)
46. The Haunting in Connecticut-meh (good scare/entertainment value)
47. Adventureland-pretty good
48. Brothers-Rocked
49. The Collector-Meh (verging on pretty good but not quite)
50. The Uninvited-pretty good
51. Confessions of a Shopaholic-rocked
52. Precious-rocked (but with a small "r"--it was a bit of a disappointment.)
53. Stepfather-pretty good (for what it was)

Best movie of 2009? Gran Torino. Hands down. Worst movie: Land of the Lost.

And a huge thank you to Patrick for keeping this list all year--without me even asking him to! And apologies to him for seeing Brothers without him...

My goal for 2010: 55 movies.

Happy New Year

There are just too many choices of end of year recap/new year prediction/favorite things/best of kinds of blog posts--the possibilities are overwhelming me and taking away any urge to post at all. So I'm just going to do a hodge-podge of random end of year/new year things and hope for the best.

Best Things of 2009

1. My Macbook. I could pretty much stop this list right here--that's how good it is.

It is, in fact, so good that I can't think of any other best thing of the year. I'll have to come back to that part.

Resolutions for 2010

1. See 2 movies in 1 day. I was originally going to go for 3 movies in 1 day, but I think that's a bit much for me, so I'm going to settle for 2.

Again, I'm coming up dry...that's the only resolution I can think of right now.

Favorite blog posts of 2009

1. Ask And Ye Shall Receive review of this blog. Call me a masochist but I love this review, even though it's totally reaming me up the a$$ for being a crappy blogger.


2. What if Your Personal Brand is your P*ssy. Sorry but if that's not the best title of a blog post ever, I don't know what is.


3. Gen Whine in the House. I haven't gotten that riled up about something in a while.


4. I Used to be Way Funnier. Sadly, it's true.

That said, maybe I should add to my list of resolutions that I'll try to go back to blogging about stuff other than social media. Then again, the only time anyone other than my mom and sister read my posts is when I blog about social media. Sigh.

At any rate, to any of you reading this post now, I wish you a fabulous, healthy 2010. (pronounced two thousand ten; not twenty ten, just fyi.)

Tiger Again

I usually don't read the Washington Post Sports section but this morning--as he was eating the delicious breakfast squares I made (in case you follow me on Twitter or Facebook and all my cooking/baking of late is confusing you, this is the one time of year when I suddenly am seized with the desire to cook and bake so I do it a lot...maybe this will be the year the habit sticks and I start doing it year-round..)--Patrick said "read this" and pushed the Sports section at me. "Of Tiger Woods and the man in the mirror" (sorry, I think you have to register (it's free!) on the Washington Post website to read this but it's worth it) is an interesting, if slightly confusing in it's veiled-ness, read. Basically the author is fessing up to his own sex addiction and saying that, in "the culture of the elite athlete...infidelity isn't merely condoned, it's strongly encouraged."

I say bravo to this guy and he's right. He talks about "bored, rich alpha males on the road for 270 days a year" and how infidelity is "an equal-opportunity addiction, costing manicured, polished stars such as Pitino their coiffed reputations and unknown, dumpy software salesmen their families and jobs."

At any rate, it was a good article.

Happy Holidays

I tried to find a really cute Japanese holiday-themed video, but they were all like 5 minutes long and looked more like anime porn clips than cute cartoons so we'll have to make do with this. Just pretend it features a holiday tune and wish yourself a merry Christmas and happy new year from me!

FIO Blogging=Posterous

I have found the winning FIO combo in life: AudioBoo plus Posterous. Audioboo has an iPhone app, which means you just dictate into your phone--as if you're talking on the phone, just to yourself--then it automatically posts the resulting stream-of-conscious genius to Posterous (a FIO version of blogging where you can post via email or voicemail).

The only crying shame of the whole arrangement is that you can't post from Audioboo to Blogger--because if you could you'd be hearing a lot more from me. As it is, I tried it yesterday and posted to Posterous, so I'll have to settle for posting to Posterous than taking the extra step of writing some perfunctory post in here linking to it over there. Like this.

Or you could just subscribe to my Posterous.....

Good Things

Just a few random recommendations for you:

• Awesome blog I just learned about--if you like The Bloggess, you'll want to read More is Better. Because the more hilarious bloggers out there who swear way worse than I personally dare to, the better.


• I'm on disk 9-the last disk--of The Wonder Spot by Melissa Bank and I seriously might cry when it's over because it's so good.

I haven't shared any videos lately; let's see what I can find....



Ok, me and my sister might be the only ones who think that's entertaining...now, here's one EVERYONE would find entertaining



Ok, so I made that one and I'm the one who finds it entertaining...better quit while I'm ahead.

My Advice to Tiger Woods

Patrick told me that Tiger Woods has announced that he's taking an "indefinite break" from pro golf because he's so mortified about the world finding out he's a cheater. This is what I have to say to him: who the fuck cares? You are not the first man on the planet to ever be outed as a cheater, a pervert and an asshole. Get over yourself and don't be such a pussy. Moping around your house and/or cowering from the media isn't going to put your marriage and/or family back together and it just diminishes you further in the eyes of the world. Go back to work, act like nothing happened, and next week some other celebrity will do something stupid and we'll all forget your indiscretions.

Guest Post By Matthew

My 11 year-old son is sick with strep...again. I'm sitting with him on the sofa and I asked if he wanted to write a guest post and he said yes, so I'm turning this post over to him:

I'm sick and I don't feel good :( I have been bored ALL DAY LONG. I hope I get better soon. Bye bye.

I'm Ok

I didn't mean to freak anyone out with my last post. Living with depression is like living with diabetes or any other chronic ailment--you get used to it (ok, maybe that's insensitive of me to compare to an illness I've never lived with...you know I don't mean it in a bad way). You have times you feel fine and times you are far from fine, but if you're willing to accept that no, you're not just imagining it and no, you can't just snap out of it and actually address it, you have a way better chance of living a relatively horrible-dip-free existence.

Why am I writing about this all the sudden, anyway? A) because there are so many people blogging about social media that I myself am pretty sick of blogging about it so I'm sure other people are twice as sick of it as I am and b) because I am trying to do my part to de-stigmatize depression. NAMI is the first and only non-professional association I've ever paid to join and I joined because I applaud what they're doing. I am particularly impressed with their Stigma Busters program.

In keeping with my periodic book theme, here are two great books about depression:

1. The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression


2. Unholy Ghost: Writers on Depression

*Disclosure since now it's required by the FTC: I do participate in the Amazon affiliate program; however, I am too lazy to remember how to do their links so these are just plain old links to Amazon--I won't make a penny if you buy the books. And I wish I could say I got either the NAMI membership or the books for free, but nope, no such luck. Isn't blogging a blast when you have to disclose minutiae like this?

Depression Sucks

If you read this blog--or know me in real life--you know I'm a very TMI person (much to the chagrin of my dear mother). My life is an open book for the most part...and not just because I like attention. I actually am a shy-ish person and don't love attention, but one thing I honestly believe is sharing my own experiences if it helps someone else. Because most people don't talk about stuff and suffer in silence, which is heroic and all, but you only live once...why live it in silent desperation when you could just spit out what's troubling you, deal with it and move on?

So it's in this spirit that I'm writing about depression, something I don't really write or talk about but something I deal with. Sometimes it's fine, sometimes it's horrible...and this time of year it usually switches over to some version of horrible. The shorter days or whatever, I guess....all I know is I hate it and wish it was a feeling I'd never experienced. Or that could at least be banished with regular use of the magical pills they make for this purpose. Sadly, though, that's not the case. They work fine...until they suddenly just don't work fine anymore. Which is what's happening in my world right now and it sucks. Nothing like starting a new job, trying to enjoy the coming holidays with my family--oh, and of course dealing with stuff like kids with strep or tooth abscesses or ex-husbands who make you want to pull your hair out but you have to just breathe it out and do nothing because that's what good divorced moms do--then getting knocked down by a big ol' wave of depression.

Dealing with depression--especially when you're a grown up with a job and a husband and kids and a house to keep--is like having a broken leg (or maybe two, depending on how bad it is) and having to walk to the doctor by yourself. While smiling and looking like nothing's wrong with you. You can't tell anyone because of the stigma of mental illness--of craziness. Any other illness people could know what you're going through, could offer to help out or at least give a sympathetic smile or something. Depression, though, you can't talk about it so nobody can know you're suffering--you have to not only figure out a way to get through it, but also have that way include looking 100% normal both at home and at work and not interfere in any way with anything else going on in your life. You can tell your boss you have a stomach flu when you have that, or a sinus infection when you have that--but you can't call in sick with depression. Or I suppose you could...but then good luck to you when they label you crazy and an employment risk.

At any rate, I'll stop now....suffice it to say that depression sucks and someone needs to invent a cure for this shit. Oh, and one that doesn't make you fat or lethargic or anorgasmic or constipated or sahara-mouthed or any of the other charming side effects you get to pick from now.

Gate Crashers

Ok, I'm out of battery so the post I was going to write about those tacky people who crashed the White House will have to wait. But come on...what the hell is wrong with people? Last time I checked we were a nation at war....am I the only one who finds it sickening and sad that what's top news is a sleazy couple crashing a State dinner and posting about it on their Facebook page?

Work-Life Balance and FIO

It's been a really long time since I've blogged about my favorite topic, FIO. (Not sure what FIO means? Clearly you need to do some homework and familiarize yourself with this blog and the dominant theme in my life.)

I have to tell you: lately my blogging has taken a distinct FIO turn. Life is just too busy--I have a new job, kids, housework, a husband, some attempts at a social life that does not take place exclusively online, some semblance of an exercise regimen that I try to stick to, etc. In short: there are only so many hours in a day--24 to be exact. And when 8 of those hours are taken up at work and 2 commuting, that leaves 14 hours. Subtract 7 from that for sleep, and that leaves 7 hours to do all of those things listed above, plus stuff like grocery shop, recreate in some way or another...oh, and keep up with blogging, twitter, Facebook and all the rest of it.

The bottom line? There are not enough hours in the day for me to get everything done that I want to get done. If I didn't care about blogging I'd just forget about it, but for whatever reason blogging is my main favorite thing to do in life. Well, writing is, and since sadly no book deal has magically materialized, blogging is about the only for-fun writing I get to do. Like anything fun that people get addicted to: scrapbooking, working out, shopping, whatever--I have gotten addicted to writing. If I don't do it I start to go crazy and I'm already crazy enough, so I've learned to just make time for it and blog regularly.

The problem is that when you're on a tight schedule like I am, sometimes your blogging suffers. Like maybe the TV is on and you're sitting on the sofa next to your husband, who's giving you the stink-eye worse and worse with every passing minute and you're rushing to finish your post so you can be done with it and he can stop sighing and making snide comments about the computer. Maybe you get distracted, or cut corners on the thought you're trying to work through via that day's blog post. The result is a half-baked blog post at best; and one that's just flat-out wrong or offensive in a way you didn't mean.

My best example of this was when I wrote a post about Chris Brogan and something he said on Twitter. I was rushing to finish because one of the kids was bugging me to HURRY UP AND GET OFF THE COMPUTER so I cut my post off short (I have no idea what it was I cut but I distinctly remember that I had a larger point but I just stopped where I was because I couldn't take the whining anymore). Next thing I know Chris Brogan is tweeting the link to my post and lambasting me in the comments. In that case it worked out ok for me because that was the most blog traffic I have ever gotten, but still, half-baked is half-baked.

So twice in the past week or so I have FIO'd a blog post on my other blog. Read this post--then read the comments. Whoops. Now same thing with the post I wrote yesterday about Comcast and customer service--I meant the post to be about the larger issue of social media and customer service being kind of at odds with each other, with social media being done by people who are truly passionate about their jobs and their companies and customer service people usually, well, not so much. Then Social Media Today picked it up and suddenly a "meh" post in obscurity was seen by thousands of people.

Now Matthew (my 11 year-old son) has strep, I'm sick with something, the work-week has started, Thanksgiving is coming...and I have comments to respond to and need to email the poor Comcast guy to explain that I really didn't mean to take pot shots at him or Comcast in particular--I meant to talk about customer service in general and include other examples like Sprint, etc...but I was pressed for time and hit "publish post" before I'd finished my thoughts.

Sigh. Welcome to my world.

Sunday Catch-Up

Ok--so that last post was a cheat, sorry about that. So much for my blogging every day in November idea...you know the intent was there, right?

Aside from starting a new job last week--which includes a daily round-trip commute to/from Tysons--here's what I've been up to, in case you're wondering:

• My last living grandmother died last Wednesday. Sad but also a relief--she was 97 and was on the decline for years now, then had a stroke a few weeks ago from which she never would have recovered. The good part of it was that it meant my sister, Cassie, came home for the weekend, so we got to spend Friday evening together--a rare treat.


• Speaking of Cassie and Friday, we went to see Precious. Mimi insisted on coming too, which, if you know Mimi, was totally out of character--she's usually not the most social kid on the planet. So I continued my WPE legacy and let her go to see Precious, which was, um, thematically mature, to say the least. For all the hype the movie got I have to say I wasn't that impressed--I gave it about a 6.5. Mo'nique was AWESOME, however.


• I just finished Augusten's new book, You Better Not Cry. It was like an early Christmas gift in its perfection; it's been a while since he's had a book of short stories out and these stories do not disappoint. I'm sad, though, because according to Augusten on Twitter, he and Dennis have broken up. Knowing this, I admit the last story in the book depressed me. But here's hoping for a Christmas miracle that they get back together.


• The main benefit (aside from time to actually have a phone conversation) of a long commute is being able to listen to audiobooks. The multi-tasker in me loves that I'm able to "read" two books at once--one actual book and one audiobook. I just finished Elizabeth Berg's We Are All Welcome Here and highly recommend it. If you need a happy ending to help you get through the holidays (not THAT kind! Nasty.) this is a great choice. Actually, if you want the most relaxing Christmas book EVER, it's Miss Read's Christmas at Thrush Green.


• Speaking of relaxing, my sister introduced me to this website and it's very relaxing in a hypnotic kind of way. If I had any free time, I'd be wasting it playing with that sand.


• 
  

Best Video Ever

I wish to GOD I had a kid who could dance like this:

Fighting for Preemies

Did you know today is National Prematurity Awareness Day?

I am extremely lucky--even though Matthew was born almost 4 weeks early, by some miracle his lungs were fully developed and he suffered no ill effects from being born early (unless you count the fact that he didn't have nipples yet...apparently nipples don't develop until like 38 weeks gestation--bet you didn't know that.) However, he, like Mimi, did suffer from a serious form of jaundice and had to be in the NICU for 3 days. To this day--and that was over 11 years ago--I remember the tiny preemies in their incubators and my heart goes out to anyone who has to go through that.

I add my voice to the over 400 other bloggers who are posting today about the Fight for Preemies. While I was lucky enough to have 2 healthy kids, I know how many others out there are not so lucky. Or who had some really close calls, like my best friend Sadie. At her 20 week ultrasound, the doctor told her everything looked great and was walking out of the room when she happened to glance back over her shoulder. The ultrasound tech had taken one last pass over my friend's abdomen before turning it off and something about the shot caught the doctor's eye. She told the tech hold on, go back. She pressed my friends abdomen and realized with horror that her cervix was almost fully dilated on the inside--the uterus-facing side. Had Sadie gotten up off that table and walked out of that office she would have given birth within a few days and there's no way her baby would have survived.

She spent the weekend on bed rest at home, then returned on Monday for another ultrasound. The dilation was worse and they hospitalized her immediately, where she remained on inverted bed rest for 2 weeks. At about 22 weeks the doctor performed a cerclage--sewed her cervix closed--and sent Sadie home, where she remained on bed rest for 12 more weeks. When she gave birth to full-term baby girl, the doctor confided that when she'd done the cerclage, her cervix had been 100% effaced and dilated and the baby's tiny, tiny feet--encased in the amniotic sac--were protruding into her vagina! The doctor said that there was basically no chance the baby would survive but she had just sewn her up and not said anything, not wanting to upset her. But miracles do happen, and that baby is a healthy, happy kid today, thanks to that doctor's perseverance and Sadie's almost 20 weeks of bed rest.