The Best Part of Blogging--Free Books

I recently read Crazy Love by Leslie Morgan Steiner. Yeah, that's right--if you clicked on that link you saw that the book won't be available until March 31, 2009. How have I already read it then? That would be because I've discovered that getting bloggers to read and blog about your book is apparently a new trend among publishers, because this is the second book I've scored as a result of saying "I'm a blogger--can I have a free copy?" Who ever said that blogging is a stupid waste of time?

Anyway, I have to say I had mixed feelings about the book. It's about Leslie Morgan Steiner's horrible first marriage to an abusive guy. Taken as a whole, the book does provide great insight about why women stay in abusive relationships. Even though she was from a rich, waspy family, her self-esteem was sufficiently in the toilet to keep her wedded to a guy who damn near killed her.

The thing that kept me from really liking this book was the fact that she makes such a big deal about how she was from this rich, waspy family. She constantly refers to her privileged upbringing and how, in spite of it, she was doing drugs and screwing around starting when she was like 13, then had a huge eating disorder, then was married to this crazy wife-beater. Maybe this is small-minded of me to say, but it's kind of hard to feel sorry for someone who, in the course of telling the story of her life as a battered wife, refers incessantly to Harvard, summer house, money, private school, money, Harvard, waspy parents, summer house, Harvard, private school...oh, and did I mention Harvard? Trust me--she mentioned Harvard.

Yes, we get it--even though your life looked perfect it wasn't. The thing is--we still kind of hate you for your charmed life, so our level of sympathy for you isn't sky-high. Or maybe that's just me being a bitter bitch and anyone else reading the book would feel more sympathy towards her. Like I said, though--overall it's an inspiring story about beaten down wife getting a business degree and becoming a huge success and finally being able to free herself from the abusive relationship. The thing is, something about the dynamic of the "I grew up rich and privileged, then went to Harvard, then went to business school, then made a ton of money in high-power jobs, and now am famous and writing a book" is less compelling than say, a person who grew up poor or stupid THEN went on to become rich and famous. You need the first part of the equation to get the feel-good thing going; without it it just comes off as gloating and "yay for me!"

Take a movie like Pursuit of Happyness. The reason it's a total tear-jerker and near-perfect movie is that it has that whole "success in the face of extreme adversity" theme going on. It wouldn't be nearly as good a movie if he'd been raised rich and privileged, then done a brief stint on the streets, then gone to business school and become rich and famous. Oh, and had his dad pay for business school.

Anyway, my point is the book was good and I would definitely recommend it, but it had a little too much of a "don't hate me because I'm beautiful" vibe for my taste.

Wanna Play? Not!

I’ve written before about the readers/commenters on The Washington Post’s On Balance blog and how nasty they are. Yesterday's post—written by the resident stay-home dad guest blogger-- was about the value of mom or dad only playgroups. While nobody flogged the author about how stupid or small-minded he was--he was actually referring to ANOTHER article about the same topic and the nasty comments were directed at that person--I marveled once again at how self-righteous and same-minded the posters there are.

Day in and day out, regardless of the topic, the regular posters pounce on whatever idea the author touches on, ripping the author for his or her opinions on the matter at hand or writing style or whatever it is they can find to take issue with. It's like (or not "like"--they actually do) they sit at their computers, fingers drumming impatiently, until the day's post goes up at approximately 7 am and immediately commence the rip-fest with the ever-triumphant "First!" post. Bonus points if they can find something to make a personal dig at Leslie about--the names of her kids, the misuse of a word, a way in which someone perceives that she's contradicted herself, her looks--anything. Ditto any other author--the topic is stupid, the person can't write, Leslie is stupid for featuring this or that particular guest blogger, etc, etc.

Anyway, the thing that most cracks me up about the regular posters is what back-patters they all are--to hear them tell it their lives are all perfect: their marriages, their parenting styles, their kids, their jobs, their beliefs...they all act like they've got the whole thing figured out and anyone who thinks or does anything differently is a moron. One of my greatest satisfactions in life is knowing from personal experience that most people have whole Oprah-esque facets of their lives that nobody would ever guess just looking at them--and I'm sure the OnBalance regulars are no exception. I'm sure that more than a few honestly think their lives are perfect when, in fact, their husbands are cheating on them or they personally have some fatal flaw or whatever. I have no basis for saying this other than that it seems to me that almost everywhere I look this is the case--everyone seems to have some dirty secret--so the chances that the OnBalance crowd are among this flawed population are pretty strong.

Yesterday's post was particularly amusing because everyone was, as usual, so adamant that there could never be any impropriety between moms and dads in a playgroup scenario. Everyone, most of them assert, knows that there's absolutely nothing wrong with stay-home dads fraternizing with stay-home moms. Every interaction would naturally be totally above-board, totally innocent, totally child-centric, totally intellectual--because everyone in the world is as intellectual and politically-correct as they are, right? Why, the mere thought that maybe moms and dads playing unsupervised might not be the best idea in the world is blasphemous and discriminatory! Every one of them seems to know for a fact that all adults have perfect boundaries and that if a dad were to invite a mom over for a little backyard swim of a playdate of COURSE it would only be about the kids and they wouldn't even notice each other in their wet swimsuits....

Either these people don't know what they're talking about or I live in a different universe entirely, because my reaction to the question "Are mom/dad playdates a good idea?" is a resounding "no!" Go watch the movie Little Children and tell me what you think. Or Google "married dating", for example: you get 1,420,000 hits. Over 500,000 for "swinging parents." And that's just two totally off-the-cuff search tries. Or, better yet, go initiate a playdate with an opposite-sex parent and see what the reactions of your spouse and his/hers are.

Bottom line is that truth is stranger than fiction and you see a lot when you live in the burbs long enough. Maybe those OnBalance posters' problem is that they have always been at the office all day and never have gotten to experience the wacky world of life in the burbs during school hours.