Depression Sucks

If you read this blog--or know me in real life--you know I'm a very TMI person (much to the chagrin of my dear mother). My life is an open book for the most part...and not just because I like attention. I actually am a shy-ish person and don't love attention, but one thing I honestly believe is sharing my own experiences if it helps someone else. Because most people don't talk about stuff and suffer in silence, which is heroic and all, but you only live once...why live it in silent desperation when you could just spit out what's troubling you, deal with it and move on?

So it's in this spirit that I'm writing about depression, something I don't really write or talk about but something I deal with. Sometimes it's fine, sometimes it's horrible...and this time of year it usually switches over to some version of horrible. The shorter days or whatever, I guess....all I know is I hate it and wish it was a feeling I'd never experienced. Or that could at least be banished with regular use of the magical pills they make for this purpose. Sadly, though, that's not the case. They work fine...until they suddenly just don't work fine anymore. Which is what's happening in my world right now and it sucks. Nothing like starting a new job, trying to enjoy the coming holidays with my family--oh, and of course dealing with stuff like kids with strep or tooth abscesses or ex-husbands who make you want to pull your hair out but you have to just breathe it out and do nothing because that's what good divorced moms do--then getting knocked down by a big ol' wave of depression.

Dealing with depression--especially when you're a grown up with a job and a husband and kids and a house to keep--is like having a broken leg (or maybe two, depending on how bad it is) and having to walk to the doctor by yourself. While smiling and looking like nothing's wrong with you. You can't tell anyone because of the stigma of mental illness--of craziness. Any other illness people could know what you're going through, could offer to help out or at least give a sympathetic smile or something. Depression, though, you can't talk about it so nobody can know you're suffering--you have to not only figure out a way to get through it, but also have that way include looking 100% normal both at home and at work and not interfere in any way with anything else going on in your life. You can tell your boss you have a stomach flu when you have that, or a sinus infection when you have that--but you can't call in sick with depression. Or I suppose you could...but then good luck to you when they label you crazy and an employment risk.

At any rate, I'll stop now....suffice it to say that depression sucks and someone needs to invent a cure for this shit. Oh, and one that doesn't make you fat or lethargic or anorgasmic or constipated or sahara-mouthed or any of the other charming side effects you get to pick from now.